


The Lovely Mother From Out of State

by OhLawdHeComin



Category: Codename: Kids Next Door
Genre: Age Difference, Boss/Employee Relationship, F/M, One Big Evil Family, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:02:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 38,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24330262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhLawdHeComin/pseuds/OhLawdHeComin
Summary: By some great fortune, you land a job as a nanny for a single dad and his five strangely synchronized Delighful Children. However, your relationship with your boss unexpectedly becomes something more than professional...
Relationships: Reader/Father
Comments: 54
Kudos: 188





	1. The Offer

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be the first to admit that reader-insert romance fics are pretty dumb. But gosh darn it to heck they have a lot of potential to be a lot of fun. I think a slow burn is definitely best for this genre, as it really makes use of the fact that it's a self-roleplay in the end, and makes it easier to suspend disbelief if it's something that develops rather than having it just be given that "This is your bf/gf. How did you two end up together? Who cares, now kiss!". I also tried to have the reader insert girl be not only grounded in reality enough to be self-insertable, but also having her blend in with the world she's in and whatever quirks it may have. In this case, that world is the Horatian satire-filled Codename: Kids Next Door, a show I watched in its entirety while stuck in quarantine. If you're read up to this part and haven't figured out which character I have the hots for (pun not intended, but if it was I'm sure Numbuh 2 would be very proud of me) then I don't know what to say. I also made note to avoid "Draco in Leather Pants" syndrome and actually have babe magnet baddie stay the bad guy. To best do this, reader girl also begins her dark descent into villany, although she's more of a "the road to hell is paved in good intentions" kind of bad as you'll see. But enough explaining my artistic vision for what is ultimately just self-indulgence. I hope you enjoy whatever garbage I have mistakenly created, and God bless!

7 AM.

The alarm clock wailed its horrid screech as it does every morning. You groaned with great displeasure, but you knew what had to be done.

Time to rise and grind.

It’s another beautiful day of job searching and inevitable disappointment.

You graduated from college a few months ago with a degree in psychology with a focus on child development. You’ve searched far and wide for work worthy of your skills. Even when the interviews went perfectly and the employers seemed to really like you, luck would have it that there was always someone marginally better than you. No matter how disheartening it was, you never lost hope that the golden ticket would come one day, a perfect opportunity that would put your life in the place you’d always imagined being at.

You got out of bed slowly, steadily crawling out of your tiny apartment bedroom and into your tiny apartment kitchen. You opened a cabinet to grab some coffee beans, then prepared the coffee maker to start producing the single substance capable of sustaining you in these trying times. While it brewed, you headed to the front door to fetch the daily newspaper. You then sat down with the paper in hand, immediately turning to the job classifieds.

Landscapers needed? Nope. City now hiring crossing guards? Not me. Your hopes of finding anything of relevance in the paper today was quickly diminishing. Then, at long last, on the final corner of the final page, sat a large advert. It read:

“SEEKING FULL-TIME NANNY FOR FIVE DELIGHTFUL CHILDREN. CONTACT FATHER AT 555-555-5555 FOR FURTHER INQUIRIES.”

A nanny? That was something under the realm of your expertise. It probably wasn’t the first place you expected to take your career, but there was no being picky anymore. You went and grabbed your corded phone off the wall and punched in the number.  
For a few seconds you waited as the phone rang. Finally, it ceased.

“Hello?”

You were a bit nervous. Even though you’ve done this countless times, making a good first impression never stopped being scary. You took a deep breath and started talking.

“Hi, I’m (y/n) and I was calling about the ad in the paper for a nanny.”

“Oh, that. Well if you’re interested, would you be able to come on over for an interview?”

“Of course. Just give me a moment to pull up something on the computer.”

You were smart enough to have your bulky desktop computer on a table right next to your phone, so you could easily access the internet while still using it. You shook the mouse, awakening it from sleep mode. You asked the man on the phone where the interview would be. You went to your most frequented map website and typed in the address he told you. To your dismay, the interview was about a five hour drive away in another state.

“I’m sorry sir, but I live quite far from where you are and if I came up for the interview today it wouldn’t be until the evening that we would be able to do it, is that a problem?”

There was a brief pause.

“Not an issue,” He said. “Is 6 o’clock good?”

“That’s perfect.” you replied. “I’ll be there then.”

You hung up the phone. Part of you was mad at yourself for what you just committed to. If this Father guy was advertising so far away from where he was, he must be searching wide. Your chances of employment were lower than ever and yet still you’re still going on a road trip for it. Whatever. It’s not like you had anything else better to do today. You downed your now completed coffee and got to work. You went to open your wardrobe to grab that one set of nice clothes that you always used for any professional matter. You then spent a good amount of time grooming yourself to the absolute best you could. Once all dolled up, you grabbed everything you needed for the long trek and headed out.

The five-hour drive flew by in no time. To ease your anxieties about the interview, you had brought your favorite CDs and snacks for the ride. Your road trip fun almost made you forget you had a very important meeting to go to. 

As you closed in on your destination, you stopped by a local diner to grab a quick early supper while you still had time. Perfectly on schedule, you followed the directions until you finally arrived.

For a moment after you got there, you were in disbelief. _This is where I’m being interviewed!?_

You found yourself in front of a massive house. Calling it a mansion would be an understatement. The thing was a freaking _palace_. You parked on the side of the road and approached the home. You rang the doorbell. You had hardly a second to wait, as the door opened almost immediately after you rang. Standing at the doorway were five children. These were presumably the same five children you would be tasked with taking care of should you land the job. There were three boys: one very tall boy whose hair covered his eyes, another wearing a football helmet, and a short blonde boy. That left the two girls: one with straight, blonde hair with a bow sitting atop it, and the other, a stout, bespectacled girl. “Hello, are you Miss (l/n)?” They all spoke in unison. “Yes, that’s me,” you replied. “I’m here for the interview.”

“Follow us,” they said. You followed the kids down some hallways until you reached a door. They all knocked. “Father, Miss (l/n) is here for her interview.”

“Perfect,” came a voice from inside the room. It was the voice of the man you had talked to on the phone. “Let her in.”

The children opened the door and you walked in. The room was surprisingly dark. The main source of light was coming from a fireplace at the back wall. To its side was a desk, and a man sitting behind it. You could only make out his silhouette. At first, you thought it was the bad lighting, but as you approached him, you noticed something strange. The objects around him were surprisingly well lit by the fire, but he somehow remained completely in shadow. His amber eyes were sharp, as if they could stare into the deepest recesses of your soul. You began to sweat nervously, both from the heat of the fire and the unnerving sensation you got from the man in front of you. You sat down at the chair in front of the desk, face to face with the man of mystery. 

“Hello, I’m (y/n), and thank you very much for this opportunity,” you greeted, offering out your hand for a handshake. “The pleasure is all mine,” the man replied. “The folks around these parts call me Father.” His own hand, dark as a starless night, came out and shook yours. The handshake was just as bizarre as his appearance. His hand initially felt cold, but it also felt as if something underneath was very warm, like walking with bare wet feet on scorching pavement in the summertime. It was practically mesmerizing, and it took a bit of willpower just to let go and continue on with the meeting. 

“As you can see, I am a single parent of five Delightful Children,” Father noted. “I’m a very busy man, and they need someone else to watch over them. What are your qualifications for such a role?”

“Well, I’m fresh out of college with a Bachelor’s in Psychology, with a focus on childhood development,” you claimed. “I believe my education will be of great use in this job.”

“I see,” Father reacted. “Do you have any previous nanny experience?”

You shook your head. “I have had babysitting gigs here and there, but nothing long term.”

“Alright, good to know,” he responded. “Now for another question. What do you think about children?”

Upon hearing the word children, you cracked a little smile. “Well, I wouldn’t have gone into a childhood development focus if I didn’t love them!”

“Uh huh…” Father said, almost in a groan-like manner. Did he not like what you said? Worry began to swarm your mind. “Well, then answer this for me,” he said. “What is your opinion of the Kids Next Door?”

The Kids Next Door? This was your expertise! “Funny you should mention that…” you began. “I actually wrote my senior thesis about the KND! Basically, the main argument is that they are a massive poison for a child’s development.”

You noticed that Father’s eyes had widened, clearly finding great interest in what you were saying. You continued. “The KND’s main mission is ‘liberating kids from adult tyranny’, or so they say. What that actually translates to is getting in the way of parents doing their role at all cost. This makes it so a KND member, or one who idolizes the organization, will grow up with a great sense of entitlement, feeling unobligated to do anything they’re told. This entitled kid becomes an entitled adult later down the road, and they’ll have entitled kids, creating a whole cycle of entitlement, with the KND being the perpetual motion machine keeping the cycle alive! I surveyed hundreds of elementary school teachers from across the country, seeing if the behavior of children in areas known for frequent KND activity differed from-"

“I’m going to have to stop you there,” Father interrupted. “This all sounds very interesting. Do you have a history with the organization?”

“No, I don’t,” you responded. “But I have noticed their undeniable effect on children, and I felt obligated to analyze it for my project. It’s something I felt hadn’t been addressed enough.”

“Funny coincidence,” Father said. “There’s a very prominent Kids Next Door base here in town and believe it or not, I happen to be on the top of their hitlist.”

“You’re kidding!” you said in disbelief.

Father chuckled. “My Delightful Children do most of the dirty work, but I’ve had a few schemes of my own that have nearly taken out the entire organization.”

You were amazed. “How do you oppose such a large establishment?” You asked. “Best I could do was write some crummy papers.”

“As I’ve said, there’s a Kids Next Door base in town,” he replied. “We usually go for the base itself, or we go after places or things they value. Sometimes it’s a subtle takeover, other times it’s a giant robot. Depends on the day.”

 _Giant robots?_ Absolutely insane. “Guess I really am an underachiever,” you jested.

“Well, we could change that,” Father responded. “You see I did stretch the truth a bit with my ad. If you get this job, you won’t be just a nanny. You’ll be an instrument in the ultimate downfall of the Kids Next Door.”

Woah. That was a lot to take in. “That’s… a lot to think about,” you said. “I kinda drove up here with completely different expectations… How much would it pay?”

“I’d start you at $500,000 a year,” he answered. “How does that sound?”

Five hundred thousand!? That’s more than what most doctors make! All for being a nanny!? Granted, you’d be facing the KND, and who knows what danger that could involve? But for five hundred grand?

“I’m in,” you said without hesitation. “If you end up choosing me, how long do you think it would before I get the memo?”

“Oh, I don’t think you’d have to wait a moment at all,” Father said ominously.

“You’re hired.”


	2. The Plan

“Wait, what!?”

“You head me right, lady,” Father confirmed. “The job is all yours.”

“Buhbuhbut,” you stuttered. "Are you, uh, sure? Me of all people?”

“I might have bought ad space in every major newspaper within a three-hundred-mile radius for this position, but from what I’ve seen so far, you’re by far the best fit for this job,” he explained. “I feel confident in your ability to pull of the nanny part, and you sound open to the idea of doubling as an anti-Kids Next Door agent, which I can’t say the same about some of the others who came in earlier. Of course, when I mentioned the pay they immediately changed their mind, but the intentions weren’t there to start with, and my mind was already made up about them.”

“Well, I would be lying if I said the money didn’t influence my thoughts about this at all…” you admitted.

“Oh, I don’t think it’s a nonfactor for anyone, so I wouldn’t be so modest,” Father chuckled. “Also, showing honesty towards your superiors is yet another plus in your favor.”

Wow. He liked you. He actually wanted you for the job. You’ve made it at long last. You almost wanted to pinch yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming.

But now wasn’t the time to celebrate. You have a job now, after all. Time to get to business.

“I’d be honored to work for you, but when would I start?” you asked.

“Today,” he answered.

“Wait, today?” you said, confused. “I’ve got to let my landlord know I’ll be moving, and then I’ll have to find a new place to live that’s closer to here…”

“Don’t worry about finding a new place to live,” Father assured. “I’ve neglected to mention it yet, but you’re welcome to stay here as long as you work here.”

_You!? Live here in this huge thing!?_ You held back a strong desire to start bursting into tears of joy.

“I can’t thank you enough,” you struggled to say, your voice nearly cracking into showing your true emotions. “When would I be able to get all my stuff moved to here?”

“I know some guys I can call who can have everything moved here by tomorrow evening,” he answered. “I can assure you not a single dust bunny will be left behind. You can sleep in one of the guest rooms tonight while you’re waiting for your things to arrive.”

“Oh, thank you so much!” you cheered. “I’m really excited about this opportunity, so how about we get started? Why don’t we go introduce me to the kids?”

“Sounds good,” Father replied.

You both stood up. You let Father walk in front of you and lead you towards the five children you would be tasked with caring for. After a few moments of walking around the mansion, you arrived in a sitting room, where the five children were using markers to mark up a large piece of paper.

“Hello, my Delightful Children,” Father greeted.

They turned around, seeing you and Father approaching them.

“Hello, Father,” they all greeted back.

“I’d like to introduce you to your new nanny, Miss (l/n).” 

“What!?” they all said in surprise. “This is only the first day of interviews and you’ve already chosen someone!?”

_That sentence was spoken in complete unison._ You noticed they were all speaking the same thing at the same time before, but you had somewhat ignored it, assuming they were just going off some script Father had given them. However, a genuine, synchronized exclamation of genuine emotion couldn’t have normally occurred like that. _It was all so fascinating…_

“Hello, I’m Miss (l/n), it’s nice to meet you,” you introduced yourself. “What are your names?”

“Our names aren’t important,” they replied. “Just the Delightful Children is fine.”

_“This is a little awkward…”_ You thought. _“Usually kids would be eager to introduce themselves individually, but they seem quite content with their group identity…”_

“Your modesty is appreciated, but I do believe Miss (l/n) asked you a question!” Father reprimanded.

“We’re sorry…” the Delightful Children apologized, with dejected looks on their faces.

“It’s fine, just listen to the adult next time they ask you something,” he said in an annoyed tone. “Now Miss (l/n), these are my Delightful Children:”

He pointed to each of them as he said their names.

“David, Lenny, Bruce, Constance, and…”

He paused as he was pointing at the blonde girl. “Oh geez, it’s at the tip of my tongue…”

“It’s alright Father, we understand how easy it is to forget something so insignificant,” the Delightful Children assured him. 

“Alright, now that introductions are out of the way, my Delightful Children, could you educate Miss (l/n) on what you are doing?” Father asked.

“We are preparing a plan for tomorrow’s attack on the Kids Next Door,” they answered. “Would you like to join us?”

“I would be glad to!” you replied.

“Looks like you’re already getting along well,” Father said cheerfully. “I have business to attend to, so I’ll leave you with them. Come find me when you’re done, and I can get you hooked up with anything you need for the attack.”

With that, he left the room.

Well, first moment with the kids. Let’s make this count.

You looked at the paper the Delightful Children were marking up. On it was a crude drawing of a lavish treehouse, with various large objects poking out of it. That must be the base.

“As you all know, I’m a complete newcomer when it comes to attacking enemy bases, so could you care to enlighten me on what you’re thinking of?” you asked.

“Well this time, we were thinking about a more discreet attack,” they said. “Direct attacks, while incredibly fun, are unsustainable in the long run. We’ve completely destroyed the whole thing before, and it’s back up in days!”

“What do you mean by discreet?”

“In the past we’ve spied on them, like the time we used a tiny camera disguised as a fly,” they explained. “Unfortunately, the results from things like these tend to be very limited. The only thing we really gained in that mission was footage of the Kids Next Door goofing off in their rooms!”

“Hmm, something that is easy to hide, yet still potent…” you thought out loud. “Well these days information is everything, and a good place to get valuable information is…”

A lightbulb went off in your head.

“Do the KND have some sort of computer in their base?” you asked. “I’m sure you’d be able to find tons of top secret classified stuff on there!”

“Yes, the Kids Next Door do have a computer in their base,” the Delightful Children answered. “But the base itself is heavily guarded with all kinds of security systems. It would be very dangerous to try and access it.”

“Well, in that case, you’ll also have to take out the power source for the systems, so they won’t be an issue,” you proposed.

“That is easier said than done,” they said. “The main power core of the treehouse is powered by the mechanical energy of thousands of hamsters running on hamster wheels, with a reserve power system to allow the hamsters a break once their energy quota for the day has been met. Even if they are just small hamsters, they are an army of their own with how many of them there are.”

A horrifying mental image of them being swarmed by rodents formed in your head. How could you get rid of them, the source of their energy generation, without them being devoured alive by the furry pests?

“Perhaps we could somehow draw them away from the epicenter of action,” you suggested. “That way we could both stop the electricity generation and not have to deal with them.”

“Very good idea Miss (l/n),” they praised.

“Maybe we could put hamster food outside, so they leave their post and are too occupied with the feast to defend,” you proposed.

The Delightful Children looked at you in surprise. “Miss (l/n), we didn’t know you were such a natural at tactics!” they commended. “That’s genius! How did we never think of that!?”

“Well, I don’t know, it just seemed pretty obvious…” you said, trying to downplay yourself.

“But then the hamsters will recognize us…” the Delightful Children realized. “They wouldn’t accept our offerings, as they already see us as the enemy.”

“I can host this little hamster party then,” you offered. “I’m totally new in town, and they will just see me as some nice lady giving out free hamster meals.”

“You’d be willing to join us on the mission?” they exclaimed. “Then we would be very grateful to have you, and that will work out perfectly. But then there is the matter of the backup power. The only option would be is to blow it up somehow, possibly by overloading the system. Father probably has some sort of machine that can do that for us.”

“Then one of us can sneak into the treehouse and extract the computer’s data,” you said.

“That could fall on you again,” they responded. “We could provide a distraction with a giant robot, so the Kids Next Door are too busy fighting us to notice you’re inside their base stealing the information on their computer!”

“Well, it’s been quite a while since I’ve climbed a tree…” you admitted. “But I think I could do it.”

“Excellent,” they reacted. “Let us go tell Father about our plan.”

* * *

“Most impressive Miss (l/n),” Father praised. “Not bad for a first scheme. I knew I made the right choice hiring you.”

“Thank you, sir,” you replied. “But now we need tools to make this whole operation work. Do you have anything that we could use?”

“Of course,” he said. “I’m the owner of Evil Adult Industries Incorporated, after all. Anything you could ever need for villainy, I can provide.”

He owned a whole company? No wonder he was so loaded. You’ve even heard that company’s name before. Oh yeah, you were considering buying stock from them at one point. Decided against it in favor of investing in that up-and-coming fast food chain. Big mistake. They went under less than a year after you bought the stocks. If you didn’t bail out earlier than you did you’d be in even more debt than you already were.

He then began to introduce you tools for use at every level of the plan. The first element was the hamster food. Father offered to provide a hamster feed filled with rich ingredients that the critters would find incredibly addicting, with a strong scent that only hamsters could detect to ensure they noticed the food. Alongside it would be a dump truck for transporting and placing it. For blowing out the reserve power, he offered a remote control overloader. To get the data off the computer, he showed you a flash drive that could copy the entire hard drive’s contents onto it when inserted, even when there was no power. And finally, so you could scale the treehouse base easier, he gave you some special climbing gloves that would make the task a breeze. As for the Delightful Children, they got permission to use their favorite “incredibly destructive machine” as they called it for use in the big distraction.

This was going to be a lot of work to say the least. You had to be a pet caterer, a remote demolitionist, a tree climber, and a hacker all in one mission! However, you were feeling confident and up to the challenge. After all, this is for the best of children across the globe! Getting a hand of their closely guarded secrets would be one step closer to ending the putrid influence of the Kids Next Door.

You and the Delightful Children thanked Father for his assistance. By the time you had all finished your little seminar, it was already 8 o’clock, which meant it was time for the Delightful Children to get ready for bed.

They got washed up and dressed in cozy-looking matching pajamas. You offered to help them get tucked in, which they happily accepted. They took you to their room. It was quite large and finely decorated. The main attraction was the comically wide bed capable of having all of them lay in it at once. They did just that, with the girls on one side and the boys on the other. You then pulled over the sheets and comforter, making them as snug as bugs.

“Thank you for helping us, Miss (l/n),” they said.

“My pleasure,” you replied. “We may have just met, but I think we’re going to have a lot of good times together. Are we going to kick butt tomorrow or what?”

“We very much look forward to the destruction of the Kids Next Door’s posteriors,” they responded.

You giggled. “Well then, let’s get a good night’s sleep so we’re all energized for the mission.” You gave them each a pat on the head, then headed for the door.

“Goodnight, kids!” you said.

“Goodnight, Miss (l/n).”

You closed the door.

With the Delightful Children in dreamland, your first official day of work was practically over. What do you do now? Best ask Father. After a bit of searching the mansion, you found him lounging in a chair, reading some sort of paper and having a late-night smoke break with the pipe that he kept eternally between his teeth.

“The kids are in bed,” you told him. 

“Excellent,” Father replied. “It’s probably time I show you your sleeping arrangements as well.”

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about that!”

You followed him to the guest room, which was just as beautifully decorated as the Delightful’s. It was like you stepped into the most expensive hotel room you could imagine: there were grand cabinets engraved with only the most masterful woodwork, silk curtains that could drape the angels in the heavens themselves, and a bed that simply begged to be laid on.

“It might be fairly early, but I’d appreciate if you got to bed soon as well,” Father said. “Big day tomorrow.”

“Of course,” you replied.

Father then left you to your own devices. Fortunately, you brought an extra set of clothes with you on your trip, an extra casual shirt and pair of shorts that you would always wear pubbing after a hard day of job searching. There was no beer this time, but at least you had something to wear tomorrow until the rest of your clothes arrived. You went outside to your car to grab them, then returned to the guest room to shower in the bathroom adjacent to it. You changed into your spare set, then performed the rest of your bedtime business.

With that completed, you finally laid down on the much-anticipated bed. Your expectations were immediately met: it was incredibly soft, with the cool sheets folding around your body perfectly for maximum comfort. This was going to be the best night of sleep of your life. It would be so great that you would never want to wake up again.

If only.

Hours passed, and you still weren’t asleep. You tossed and turned, waiting for that moment for your muscles to fully relax and finally remove your mind from the waking world, but nothing was working. Too much had just happened in one day. In less than twenty-four hours, you had finally found a job and moved into a home greater than your wildest dreams. The excitement from it all had not subsided a bit, which combined with the anticipation of the mission next morning. Plus, your body itself must be very confused, trying to sleep at a time it wouldn’t normally and being in a bed, that while very wonderful, was still unfamiliar. It was past midnight at this point, at least according to a digital clock sitting on the nightstand. To make matters worse, you were getting hungry. Maybe it would be a good idea to go find the kitchen for a midnight snack.

You got up from that false paradise of a bed and left the room. Upon exiting, you smelled something.

It was a very pleasant smell, like something sweet was being baked.

You followed the scent in the hopes it would lead you to the kitchen. Your nose didn’t lie, as you quickly found yourself at your destination.

However, you weren’t alone. In that room was Father, standing by the oven. He heard you entering and turned toward you.

“What are you doing up this late?” he scowled.

“Sorry, I’ve been trying to fall asleep, but it’s harder to get sleep when you’re somewhere unfamiliar,” you explained. “I also got hungry. Do you have anything I could eat? It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Just crackers or something will do.”

He seemed to understand your situation, as he dropped the nasty tone. “Oh sure. Pantry is in there. Help yourself.”

He pointed to a door on the other side of the room. You went and entered it. Inside, the thing was like a miniature supermarket, filled with any non-refrigerated item you could ever want to eat. Even with all the delicious temptations surrounding you, you kept to your word. Past the tower of Rainbow Munchies cereal boxes was the rest of the dry goods. You found a simple box of plain crackers, grabbing it and swiftly exiting the pantry.

You returned to the kitchen to the noise of the oven beeping. Father had opened it, pulling out a fresh pan of hot, fresh brownies.

“Wow, did you bake those?” you asked.

“I did,” Father replied. “Or I will, they don’t seem to be ready yet.” He had performed a toothpick test on the brown treats, which unfortunately turned up a thick glop on the stick. “Guess I’ll just have to speed things up.”

With that, his fist suddenly burst into flames.

You shrieked, startled at the raging inferno as he held it over the surface of the sweets. It extinguished, and he stuck another toothpick in. It came out perfectly clean.

“That’s better,” he said.

Meanwhile, you were shaking in terror. “H-h-how did you do that?” you stuttered.

“Oh, that.” Father said nonchalantly. “It’s just something I’ve always been able to do. I got it from my Pappy.”

“D-does it hurt?” you voiced your concern. “I mean, you were, uh, literally on fire…”

“Nope, not a bit,” he responded. “But it makes for a very potent weapon. No wonder the Kids Next Door fear me so much.”

You sighed in relief. “Yeah, if I were them I’d be wetting myself every night knowing I'd have to face you,” you joked, trying to shake off the shock.

“I do appreciate your concern though,” Father thanked. “But rest assured, I am very fine.”

“Do you bake often?” you asked, trying to change the subject.

“Any night I have time,” he answered. “You wouldn’t expect someone like me to really be into this kind of thing, but I find it incredibly relaxing and enjoyable.”

“Maybe I can bake something with you tomorrow?” you suggested. “After we stomp those Kids Next Door, I think I’ll be in the mood for some pineapple upside-down cake! I know a great recipe, and while it’s in the oven we could talk over beer like and really get to know each other.”

“I’d be down for it,” he replied. “How about after the Delightful Children are put in bed?”

“Sounds great! Well, I’ve got to get to sleep after this snack, so goodnight!”

He reciprocated your goodnight, and you headed back to the guest room. After stuffing your face full of crackers, you turned off the remaining lights and returned to the bed.

You closed your eyes, and your mind began to drift.

At long last, you were asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided not to give blonde girl a name because it will date the fic less if Mr. Warburton ever comes out with an official name for her. Plus, it makes for a pretty good gag, if I say so myself!


	3. The Mission

“Alright, I’ll stop right here, and that’s where I’ll drop the food.”

It was 8 o’clock in the morning. You and the Delightful Children were sitting at the dining room table, pointing at your marker-drawn maps of the area surrounding the treehouse, outlining your plan in between bites of Rainbow Munchies cereal.

“Once the hamsters are sufficiently distracted, that’s when I’ll give you the signal,” you instructed. “Make sure your presence is as obnoxious as possible to get everyone in that base out and attacking. From there, I’ll start up the remote overloader. Once the circuits blow, make sure to boast about it being some sort of feature on your robot. That way they’ll see taking you out as a priority rather than trying to go inside and fix it. That will give me the clearing to start climbing and get into the communications room.”

“Yes, Miss (l/n), but do you know where that room is?” the Delightful Children quizzed, gesturing towards the treehouse map they were using yesterday.

“Yep, right there,” you pointed to its precise location on the map. “And the best route to climb up there would be this way!” you traced out the optimized path with your finger.

“Very good,” they praised. “We’re all ready.”

“Not yet,” you corrected. “No dastardly plan succeeds without a good breakfast, so let’s get eating!”

You ate another spoonful of cereal. The stuff was surprisingly great. You’ve heard stories about how this seemingly typical licensed kids’ cereal gained a cult following among adults because of how good it was. You were finally able to try it for the first time today, and you could confirm it lived up to the hype.

Once breakfast was completed, you went outside. Parked in front of the mansion was a massive dump truck filled to the brim with the hamster feed, as Father promised. Sitting on the passenger’s seat was a backpack containing everything for the mission, which you had packed earlier that morning. In addition, there was a walkie-talkie for communicating with the Delightful Children.

You grabbed the walkie-talkie and gave it a test.

“Come in Delightful Children, do you copy?” you said.

“Copy Miss (l/n),” they responded. “We are currently in our incredibly destructive machine. Ready to depart on your command.”

You giggled. This was too much fun.

“Alright, no more goofing off,” you said. “Let’s head out.”

You opened the door to the truck and got all strapped in the driver’s seat. You inserted the key into the ignition and backed out into the road.

With that, you were on your way.

You followed the directions you’d been told: a left here, a right there…

In no time at all, you had arrived. You parked at the designated location.

Across the road was the Kids Next Door treehouse, just as described. It was massive to say the least, much larger than you would have thought. The trunk of the tree ran through a house at its base. You felt bad for the shmuck who lived there. Not the best real estate is it?

You held up the walkie-talkie. “Alright, I’m here. I’m about to drop the hamster food. Don’t move until I give you the clear.”

You pressed a button on the dashboard, and the truck slowly began to deposit its contents onto the ground. You grabbed your gear and got out of the truck.

You waited a few seconds. Nothing happened. Did you do something wrong? Was the food not fragrant enough to attract the hamsters?

Your doubts were brief, as a massive wave of fluff was taking shape at the treehouse. It quickly grew, climbing down the trunk and leaking onto the ground. In no time at all, thousands of hamsters were standing in the middle of the road, all staring at you.

“Hey, fellas…” you said nervously. “I don’t know if you got the memo, but it’s National Hamster Health Awareness Day! We’re celebrating with a big feast for all the hamsters on the block! So, uh, enjoy!”

The hamsters turned their heads away from you and towards the big pile of food. They all began to swarm it, chowing it down at ridiculous speeds. With them eating it up so quickly, it was evident that the supply wouldn’t last forever. The operation was on a strict timer now. You held up the walkie-talkie.

“The hamsters are all out!” you notified. “Now go!”

You heard loud footsteps approaching. It was the Delightful Children in their giant robot.

“Hello, Kids Next Door!” they spoke through a loudspeaker on the machine. “We’re here to utterly destroy you, so if you don’t want your puny treehouse to be snapped like a twig, you best come to try and stop us!”

Within moments, a group of kids emerged from the treehouse, armed with all sorts of makeshift weapons and gadgets.

Time to make your second move.

You opened your backpack, grabbing the overloader robot, its controller, and a VR headset that would allow you to see from the overloader’s perspective with a camera. You put on the headset and powered everything on. Controller in hand, you began to move the overloader towards the treehouse. The Delightful Children had told you that the best place to fry the circuits would be in their briefing room, which you had made sure to memorize the location of. The overloader had wall-climbing capabilities, so getting it up there was no issue. It crawled up the house to the trunk of the tree like a spider, stealthily weaving its way up until it reached its destination. Upon the overloader entering the room, a HUD appeared on your headset, highlighting a console in the room that was prime for overloading.

Bingo.

You moved the overloader towards the console. Upon touching it, the robot entered an autopilot mode, automatically attaching itself to it. Another HUD appeared. In red text, it read:

“Overloading in process. Please remove your headset. Thank you for choosing Evil Adult Industries Inc. Remote Overloaders!”

You took off the headset. Shortly after, a loud banging noise was heard. The KND kids turned to the treehouse in surprise. Seeing that you had succeeded in your task, the Delightful Children began the next phase of the plan.

“That was a new feature on our incredibly destructive machine!” they falsely boasted. “It can use supermagnetic fields to destroy electrical systems from a distance!”

“Superwhat fields?” said one of the KND kids puzzled. “That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Who cares if it doesn’t make sense!” the Delightful Children shouted back. “It works, and that’s all that matters!”

That’s your cue. Time for the hardest part.

You grabbed the climbing gloves out of your bag. You put them on, then snuck towards the house, making sure you weren’t noticed. You quickly scrambled up the walls to the roof. It surprisingly took very little of your strength. You felt like a superhero with how easy it was. From there, you tiptoed towards the tree trunk at the center, then continuing your ascent. There you saw finally saw the platform which you were supposed to stop at. You pulled yourself up to it. From there you crawled into the nearest window, and there it was: the main communications computer of the base. The thing was a logical mess. In front of the large monitor was a table with all kinds of levers, buttons, and doohickeys that were of no interest to you. Where was the main console to plug in the drive? Instinctively, you looked behind the monitor.

There it was, in such a hard to reach place as well, with the big speakers on the sides blocking an easy access. You searched your bag for the drive. With it in hand, you tried positioning your arm so the drive could slide into the port. A few frustrating tries later, it finally clicked in. A yellow light on the thumb drive began to flash, signifying that it was in process of copying the information.

_“Come on, come on…”_ You thought impatiently. For all you could know, the hamsters could have gone through all the food by now, or the Kids Next Door were somehow able to take out the Delightful Children. The last thing you wanted to do was have to wait while in the heart of enemy territory.

At long last, the flashing yellow light became solid green. It was done. Pulling it out was much easier than it was putting it in. You secured it in the safest possible pocket, then pulled out the walkie-talkie once again.

“I’ve done it,” you announced. “Keep the distraction up. I’ll tell you when to book it once I’ve driven away safely.”

You exited the way you came, climbing down with ease, eventually returning to ground level. You ran towards the truck. The hamsters were still blocking the road, but it seemed that the food supply had completely depleted just seconds ago, as one of the hamsters let out a monstrous belch. Seeing you had returned, they all turned their little heads to you.

“Oh, perfect timing!” you told them. “I would bring you more, but uh, we have other hamsters across town who still haven’t gotten their share, so could you uh, please step aside?”

The hamsters gladly moved out of your way, making their way back to the treehouse to return to their duties.

Once they were off the road, you got into the truck as fast as you could, slamming your foot against the gas pedal the moment the engine started.

Once you had a moment to collect your bearings, you retrieved the walkie-talkie from the bag.

“I’ve successfully escaped, and the hamsters are back now, and it won’t be long until they’ve figured out what happened!” You announced. “So get out of there now!”

“Understood,” they responded back. “We’ll meet you back at the mansion.”

One short drive later, and you arrived. The Delightful Children also arrived, walking their giant robot onto the property. As they were climbing out of the machine, you got out of truck to go greet them.

“Did that go great or what!” you cheered. “I don’t think they noticed me at all!”

“You did very well, Miss (l/n),” they congratulated. “Let us go inform Father of our victory.”

You entered the mansion. In the lobby was a man you hadn’t seen before. He was an older gentleman, balding with white hair.

“Hello, Jenkins,” the Delightful Children greeted. “Oh, Miss (l/n), I don’t believe you’ve been acquainted with him yet. This is our butler, Jenkins.”

“Father has told me about you,” Jenkins said. “Before you came along, I was the Delightful Children’s errand boy. Glad to know there’s someone now who can help divide the work.”

You two approached each other and shook hands. “Anything you need me to do, just ask!” you offered. “I’m getting paid too much for this anyways.”

Jenkins let out a hearty laugh. “Oh, I like you already,” he said. “Now, Father is having an important phone call at the moment. He had me wait by the front door to tell you to wait for a little while when you got back. Why don’t you all relax in the sitting room while you wait on him? I can get you something to drink in the meantime.”

“I’ll take a water, thank you very much,” you requested. That whole operation was a total workout and you desperately needed to rehydrate.

The Delightful Children asked for some apple juice. After Jenkins headed to the kitchen to grab your refreshments, you and the Delightful Children went to the sitting room, plopping into the plush chairs with great relief.

“You guys did awesome out there,” you praised them. “I couldn’t have done it without you all.”

“Thank you Miss (l/n),” they responded. “Those Kids Next Door were so confused when we just left the battle midway! They thought it was a normal treehouse attack, but little do they know that they’re about to have their secrets exposed for the benefit of adults!” they laughed mischievously. You decided to join along.

“Oh man, I can’t wait to show Father what we’ve done!” you said.

The Delightful Children ceased their laughing. They had strange looks on their faces, almost as if they were very worried about something. “Say, uh, Miss (l/n), what do you think of Father?” they asked.

“Well, I haven’t known him for long, but I’d say he’s a fine man,” you answered.

“That’s, uh, very nice,” they responded. An awkward-sounding chuckle followed.

_What was that about? Why that response? Was there something going on between him and the kids that you weren’t aware of?_

Before you could ask, Jenkins had arrived, beverages in hand on a tray. He walked towards you and handed you your glass of water.

“By the way, Father is finished with his little conference,” he informed you. “He’s waiting for you now.”

“Thank you for letting us know,” you replied. “Tell him we’ll be there as soon as we’re done with our drinks.”

He nodded, then walked over to the Delightful Children to give them their juice.

One everyone had finished drinking, you all lined up and headed to Father’s office. Since yesterday, the desk in there had been moved out. The centerpiece was now a grand-looking turning chair where Father sat. It made him look quite menacing. You were glad he wasn’t your enemy, for if you were you’d be scared out of your mind just at the sight of him.

Despite this atmosphere, you happily approached him, handing him the thumb drive.

“We got em’ good!” you said with a huge smile on your face. “The whole thing went without a single hitch.”

He let out a sinister-sounding chuckle. “Well done, Miss (l/n). Remind me to take you to the next villain meeting whenever it rolls around. I’d say you’ve certainly accomplished enough to join the club.”

“Oh gee, me, a villain?” you questioned. “I might have just trespassed and stolen personal information from a bunch of children, but I don’t know. Villain seems like such a strong word…”

“If it makes you feel any better, the bar for being one these days is pretty low,” Father assured. “I’d say you’ve done more in one day that what half of those buffoons have done in years…”

“Oh, spare me the flattery,” you jested. “After all, I couldn’t have done it without the efforts of your Delightful Children!”

Upon hearing your compliments, their faces lit up.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, my Delightful Children,” he replied. “You have done very well. What do you want for dinner tonight?”

“We would very much like some pizza for dinner,” they answered.

“Very well. Say (y/n), I almost forgot. How does a five percent pay raise sound?”

_A raise!?_ As if things couldn’t get any better.

You thanked him dearly. He then asked you all to leave the room so he could take care of some business. The Delightful Children were the first to exit. You were just about to as well, but you decided to stay behind for a moment to remind him of what was happening later that evening.

“Don’t forget, we’re making that cake later, right?”

“Oh, I haven’t forgotten,” he assured. “In fact, I’m very much looking forward to it.”

Smiling, you bid him adieu and exited the room.

* * *

The movers arrived in the afternoon ahead of schedule. Father showed you an unused, empty room on the second floor which you were permitted to have all to yourself. It was a bit smaller than the guest room you slept in last night, but you weren’t complaining. As the movers started bringing in your things, you could see that Father’s promise was met: your every belonging had made the move, from your bed to your Gracious Graduate Rainbow Monkey doll. As you arranged everything into its place, you came to a realization: everything you owned easily fit into this single room without clutter. Your new bedroom was bigger than your whole old apartment!

_“Dang,”_ you thought. _“Guess I’ve really made it, huh?”_

By the time you finished putting everything into its perfect position, it was time for dinner. A plethora of pizzas of all varieties had arrived at the front door. After indulging in some cheesy goodness, you helped clean up.

Later that evening, you washed yourself up and helped the Delightful Children prepare for bed. In that time you were tempted to ask them about the way they reacted when you said what you thought about Father, but you decided against it in fear of appearing pushy. You could probably deduct the source of that strange response with a bit of time and observation anyway.

After that, your night could truly begin. You had a date tonight! Well, a platonic date, but you were excited regardless. This would be a good opportunity to get to know your boss better, after all.

You went to the kitchen and waited. A few minutes later, Father arrived.

“There you are,” you greeted. “You ready to start baking?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he replied. “You get whatever ingredients you need. I’ll go get us some drinks.”

And so you did just that. You grabbed all the required ingredients from the pantry and fridge. By the time you gathered everything, Father had returned with bottles of the best liquors money could buy.

You spent about an hour baking the cake itself. The two chatted as you worked. You told him about your college days and your struggles until recently, and he told you about the local area and his colleagues in villainy.

Once the cake was in the oven, you sat down for some drinks. As the alcohol entered both of your systems, you became tipsy and carefree. He was beginning to laugh very hard at your stories, and in a drunken response, you laughed hard at his. It was a very quaint, fun little time. Once the cake was finally complete, you each cut a slice and dug in. It was worth the effort, with the light fluffy vanilla contrasting perfectly with the acidic and sweet pineapple.

To your knowledge, it was just the two of you, enjoying cake and drink in each other’s company. However, unbeknownst to you, there were five faces shrouded in the darkness of the night, peeping through the door to study your every interaction with the shadowy man.


	4. The Meeting

You woke up to another beautiful morning.

You were very happy that you were able to sleep in your own bed last night. Even if it was a shabby old thing in comparison to the high-end mattress of the guest room, it was what you knew, and you slept on it well.

Today was Monday, which meant the Delightful Children had school. This meant waking up nice and early to help them get ready. You didn’t find any trouble with this. You’d been somewhat of an early bird for years at this point.

You made your way to the kitchen to get some breakfast. You were feeling fruit salad today, and luckily there was a premade one sitting in the fridge. You took your morning meal to the dining room, where you saw the Delightful Children eating cereal.

“Good morning, Miss (l/n),” they greeted when they noticed you entering. “We have something to ask you.”

“Sure, I’m all ears,” you replied.

“Can we cook dinner tonight?” they asked.

“I don’t know,” you responded. “What brings this up?”

“Well, we were watching a cooking program on television,” they answered. “So we felt inspired to make our own five-course gourmet meal.”

“You’ll have to ask Father,” you responded. “His house, his rules after all.”

Within seconds of you saying that, Father entered, speak of the devil. He was holding pastry and wearing a fluffy yellow and pink bathrobe. 

“Well look at you!” you teased. “I won’t lie though. I think it looks quite nice on you.”

“I know,” he replied. “It matches my eyes.”

The Delightful Children then asked him the same thing they asked you.

“Not today,” he answered. “The parent-teacher meeting is tonight, and I won’t be home to ensure you don’t burn down the whole house. Tomorrow is fine, though.”

“A parent-teacher meeting?” you inquired. “Do you mind if I go as well? I mean, I’m certainly going to end up the Delightful Children’s homework helper, so I think it would be good to ascertain with their teacher where they’re at academically.”

“You know it’s common knowledge that parent-teacher meetings are mostly just excuses for adults to evilly confide in their anti-kid agenda?” Father questioned you.

“Well even if it is, I’m still new in town and I need to get myself out there, you know?” you rebutted.

“Fine,” he replied. “It starts at 6:30. Jenkins will drive us up there.”

You thanked him, then resumed your breakfast. The Delightful Children had finished theirs as well, so you helped them with their bags. They then headed outside to where Jenkins was waiting for them to take them to school.

With that, you had quite a large block of time to do with as you pleased. Your first thought was to go shopping. You were in desperate need of some good clothes, and now would be the perfect opportunity. You asked Father for directions to the local mall, which he happily provided.

You drove there, and spent several hours on a massive shopping spree. No need to fret with that fat paycheck of yours coming, after all. You bought a few nice work outfits, some new cozy pajamas, and a super cute swimsuit that was on sale. You would never have thought you could ever afford to purchase so many things in such a short period of time, but the past few days had really taught you to expect the impossible. After spending hours at the mall, it was about time to go back and get ready for the parent –teacher meeting.

You returned to the mansion. The Delightful Children had gotten home from school not long before, and were enjoying their post-learning time with some television. You outlined with them the rules for when all the grown-ups were out, conditions that they gladly vowed to follow. After you spent some time sprucing up, you headed outside to the limo, where Jenkins and Father were waiting.

You didn’t say much during the car ride. Father and Jenkins were mostly conversing exclusively with each other, while your attention was glued to the window, taking in the scenery of the still mostly unfamiliar town. Eventually, you arrived. It was a decently sized building, named “Gallagher Elementary School”, at least according to the sign in front of it. Jenkins stopped at the sidewalk adjacent to the building. You and Father got out of the car while Jenkins stayed in the vehicle.

Father handed him a twenty dollar bill. “Be back here by 7:30,” he instructed him. “In the meantime, why don’t you get yourself some food at that old buffet you really like?”

“Thank you, sir,” Jenkins said, expressing his gratitude. He then drove away.

You and Father entered the building. In the lobby was a welcome sign and a table with stacks of paper on it. Upon getting closer to it, you saw that these papers were maps of the school. 

Seeing you had picked up the map, Father began to point out locations of interest. “I assume you want to see the Delightful Children’s teacher. Her room is right here. When you’re all done, meet me in the gymnasium.”

You nodded, then waved him goodbye. You began to follow the map through winding staircases and long hallways. You eventually found the room. Upon entering, you saw a brown-haired woman conversing with a group of parents.

Noticing your entry, she beckoned you over to the group. You listened to her talk for a little while. Her name was Mrs. Thompson. She was explaining pretty general things to all the parents, like where the curriculum would be heading for the next quarter and addressing grievances with homework. After the little presentation, she began to talk with individual parents about questions specifically pertaining to their children. You waited a while for your turn to talk with her. Finally, it was your chance.

You introduced yourself as the Delightful Children’s new nanny.

She was quite happy to hear that, and commended you for taking critical attention to their education, even if they weren’t your kids.

“Is there anything they are having difficulty with that I could possibly help them with at home?” you asked her.

“Oh, no!” she replied cheerfully. “The Delightful Children are wonderful students! They always do their homework and perform consistently well on tests and assignments. You have nothing to worry about!”

“Are you sure?” you tried to confirm. “Are there at least any weaker topics for them that could be improved?”

“Nope!” she responded. “I do appreciate you asking, though. I think it’s wonderful that such bright students have such a positive role model who cares so much about them!”

You let out a sheepish laugh. “Well, unfortunately that’s all I came up for…but it’s good to meet you.”

“You too. Go grab yourself some refreshments in the gym while you’re here!” she said.

“I had to go there anyway, so thanks!” You bid her farewell, leaving the classroom to head to the gym.

Once you got there, you scanned the bustling room for Father. He was nowhere to be seen. No big deal, as it was still a little while longer until you were scheduled to leave.

You began looking around the rest of the room. Alongside one of the walls was a series of tables. Some had bags of snack food scattered about them, while others hosted water and lemonade dispensers. Feeling thirsty, you headed to get something to drink.

You were filling up a cup of lemonade, when all of a sudden,

“You’re already done?” said a voice.

Startled, you turned around and saw Father right behind you.

“Geez, you scared me!” you said. I just got here, and I didn’t see you.”

“I just got out of the bathroom,” he explained. “I saw you going to get that drink, so I came up to you. Apologies for the scare.”

“Have you gotten something to eat?” you asked.

“Nope, that’s why I’m here,” he answered. “I’ve been too busy conversing with absolute morons up until now. This one lady wasted precious moments of my life explaining that the best way to put children under proper adult rule was to abolish Christmas!”

“Dang, that’s… really dumb,” you reacted. “If not incredibly sacrilegious. I’m sorry you had such a bad time. How about we have some snacks? I think a full stomach does wonders to a sour mood.”

“Sure,” he agreed. You made your way to the snack tables, but you were suddenly interrupted by an unknown voice.

“Ben, is that you? I didn’t think I’d see you here!”

It was a tubby, balding man with big, bushy eyebrows. You recognized him as one of the parents in Mrs. Thompson’s room. He was walking towards the two of you.

“Oh great, it’s Monty,” Father groaned with sarcasm.

“Hello Ben!” he cheerfully greeted in his distinctively British accent. “And who is your ladyfriend?”

“This is (y/n),” he introduced you. “I just hired her to be a nanny for my Delightful Children. She wanted to tag along here. (Y/n), this is my brother, Monty.”

 _His brother?_ Judging how visually different they were, never in a thousand years would you guess that the two were related.

“Why, I think I saw you earlier!” Monty said to you. “You were in Mrs. Thompson’s room, weren’t you?”

You nodded.

“Oh, splendid!” he cheered. “How very nice it is to meet you! You take good care of Ben for me, okay?”

The two of you shook hands.

“Ben? What’s that about?” you snarkily said to Father. “Some kind of nickname or something?”

“It’s…my actual name,” he spoke under his breath. “The name Benedict doesn’t exactly drive fear into the hearts of your enemies, does it?”

You chuckled, then continued your conversation with Monty.

“So, you got kids who go here?” you asked.

“Why of course! Do you know little Nigel Uno? He’s got the same hair problems as his old man, I say!” he said with a hearty chuckle.  
You shook your head.

“Well that’s a shame,” he responded. “He’s a good kid. A little foul tempered, but he means well. Oh, that reminds me! We made plans to do that jigsaw puzzle before bed tonight! Well then, I best wrap things up soon before it gets too late.”

“It was a pleasure meeting you,” you told him.

“As was for me!” he said, getting one last handshake with you. “Now Ben, whenever the next holiday comes around, why don’t you and the kids come over? I mean, I only just only recently learned that I have a lovely bunch of nieces and nephews! Why, I think they and Nigel would have a wonderful time playing together!”

“I’ll… think about it,” Father replied with much hesitation.

“Splendid! Well, I’m off! Tally ho!”

He then left you and Father alone.

“Your brother is a very nice man,” you said as he walked towards the gym exit.

“I wouldn’t think too highly of him,” Father replied. “After all, he’s practically the reason for our villainy in the first place.”

“What do you mean?” you inquired.

“Tell me everything you know about Grandfather Industries,” he said.

 _“The Grandfather Corporation?”_ You thought. _“What does that have to do with anything?”_ Well, might as well flex the big history brain.

“Grandfather Industries was a food production based megacorporation in the early twentieth century. It was significant for having a strong political presence all across the world, with multiple governments bending over to the company’s will with bribery and all sorts of corruption. Other than being politically scandalous, they were also notorious for ignoring countless human rights laws, most notably being the heavy utilization of child labor. However, despite being such a large company with such a strong foothold in both the marketplace and the world, it suddenly fell completely apart in the late 60s when its CEO, also named Grandfather, suffered a very strange case of amnesia, causing a power vacuum that led to the company’s utter collapse. Historians and neurologists to this day theorize how such a bizarre phenomenon occurred. The most accepted explanation is that a worker’s strike had gotten violent, and at some point Grandfather had hit his head after being pushed by the mob.”

“Impressive,” Father commended. “You’re quite the history buff. But unfortunately for you and the historians, the amnesia stuff is but a half-truth.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” you questioned. “You’re not into conspiracy theories and stuff, are you?”

“Oh, of course not,” he assured. “The only reason I know it’s all baloney is because I was there when it all happened!”

You looked at him very confused.

“My Pappy was CEO of Grandfather Industries,” he proclaimed. “And as a little boy I watched him forget everything about who he was and everything he was capable of!”

_Grandfather is his dad!? Wait a second, Father…Grandfather. How did you not figure that out before?_

“And I can tell you without a single doubt that it was not some concussion that costed my Pappy everything,” he continued. “It was Monty.”

“Monty?” you said quizzically. “How was he of all people responsible?”

“I said you shouldn’t think too highly of him because he’s the founder of the current iteration of the Kids Next Door,” he explained. “He and some of the other child laborers rebelled against being forced to work endlessly in the tapioca factories after he discovered an old relic of the past Kids Next Door. He invited me to join him as I was in the same boat as he and all the other kids, but you know how freaked out you were when I merely lit my fist on fire? Now imagine something a million times more intimidating and terrifying. That’s what my Pappy was capable of, and there was no way I would ever be willing to stand against him, especially since I had first-row tickets to his unquenchable rage every day after coming home from hours of nonstop backbreaking work!” His once cool and calm demeanor was fading in place of something much angrier and panicked. Even without your psychology degree, you could that he was very traumatized from what he had to endure.

“I’m… so sorry,” you said in an effort to sympathize with him. “To think he would not only have such inhumane practices with his own company but also force his own sons into it… it’s awful.”

“It’s fine, it’s all in the past,” he tried to deny. “So anyways, Monty invented something called a decommisioner, something the Kids Next Door use to this day. It blasts a ray of light that puts the brain in a seizure-like state, causing memory loss. He made Pappy forget he had unstoppable powers and how to use them. In fact, he even made him forget he even ran a company in the first place. The higher-ups tried to convince him that he was their CEO, but Pappy was having none of it. The company was practically left to rot.”

“The Kids Next Door still have this technology?” you pressed. “Something capable of inducing that kind of amnesia must be really dangerous.”

“Oh, they use that thing practically every day,” he answered. “They don’t allow anyone over the age of 13 in the organization, and when the tots hit that age, they kick them out and suck out any memories of the Kids Next Door in them to ensure nothing classified leaks out to any adults.”

“How…horrifying,” you mumbled. Such an existential fear, devoting all your time and effort into something only for that very cause to turn against you and take everything away.

“Yeah, Monty even allowed it to be used on himself when the time came. He doesn’t remember a thing about what he founded, and he certainly doesn’t remember ever taking down Pappy. It feels strange being the sole remaining witness to such a historic event.”

“Does anyone else know about this?” you asked. “It would be awful if the truth died with you.”

“Well, most villains and the KND themselves have a general idea, but the only other person with the full story is Monty’s son, Nigel. He’s in the KND just like his old man, and operates at the very base you attacked. He’s the bald kid with the sunglasses. You probably saw him when you infiltrated the treehouse.”

You nodded, a vague memory of a boy with that description floating in your head.

He turned his head towards the snack tables.

“Now, I’ve been chattering for long enough now. Let’s just get some food already.”

You nodded again, and two of you walked up to the wide array of munchies.

You inspected the various bags of junk food, looking for something good to eat.

Then you saw it, near the edge of one of the tables.

A single bag of glorious Aunt Charlie’s Choco-Nutty Snack Mix.

You absolutely loved the stuff. It was the perfect mixture of nuts, both salted and chocolate covered. Of course, the best part was the crunchy toffee rods, which were simply to die for.

You reached out for it, but found that another hand had been going for the same bag, laying over yours.

It was Father’s hand.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were a fan of Aunt Charlie’s as well,” you said, trying to downplay the awkward situation.

“Yeah, uh, good stuff, isn’t it?” he said, with equally awkward cadence.

It felt incredibly embarrassing, his fingers folding neatly over yours. It somehow felt warmer than when you last shook hands, as a gentle heat spread through your digits and palm.

“Well, go ahead, you can have it,” you told him.

You pulled your hand away, giving him the opening to snatch the bag.

_Phew. Weird situation diffused._

But still, for some strange reason, something about it had felt…nice, like you regretted that it had to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I've been trying to keep things as canon as possible, I had to dip a little bit here into headcanon territory here when it came to describing Grandfather's rule of the world from the perspective of the adults. It was a very fun challenge, and I think I came up with something that still lines up with how the kids saw him as this big worldwide tyrant. On another note, Aunt Charlie's Choco-Nutty Snack Mix is an original creation I made as something I thought Father would enjoy, seeing as there's a lot of overlap between the contents of the snack mix and the ingredients of his favorite food, which we all know is Rocky Road ice cream. On another tangent, I am starting to realize how often I bring up food or use it as a plotpoint. Quite a conincidence, though I imagine it got this way for a few reasons. First, Father does initially connect with Reader Girl through baking, and meals are a good way to signify the time. I mean, they do say the fastest way to a woman's heart is through her stomach, so maybe I am just maximizing the romance. Maybe.


	5. Operation: N.E.W.C.O.M.E.R.

**NOW LOADING: KIDS NEXT DOOR OPERATION: N.E.W.C.O.M.E.R.-**  
**N** eophyte  
**E** nigmatic  
**W** oman  
**C** onfiscated  
**O** bscured  
**M** assive  
**E** lectronic  
**R** ecords

* * *

“Thank you for all coming on such short notice. I’m aware you all are quite exhausted after nonstop work on the electrical systems for the past few days, but I must assure you that this meeting is of the upmost importance.”

The five operatives of Kids Next Door Sector V had all gathered in the briefing room. Numbuh One was at the podium, beginning his speech outlining the urgent news.

“Numbuh Two has informed me that since he restored the security systems, he had discovered some footage of great interest that was taken just minutes before the Delightful Children attacked.”

The holographic projector powered on and began showing the security video. The shot was of the road, with a dump truck pulling into view. Its contents were poured out onto the ground, then a woman exited the truck. Within moments, the KND hamsters had all flocked to the food.

“Hey, fellas…” the woman said. “I don’t know if you got the memo, but it’s National Hamster Health Awareness Day! We’re celebrating with a big feast for all the hamsters on the block! So, uh, enjoy!”

“I don’t see the problem,” Numbuh Three commented. “She’s just feeding the hamsters.”

“Hush!” Numbuh Two snarled. “Just wait and you’ll see!”

After the hamsters started eating, the woman held up a walkie-talkie. 

“The hamsters are all out!” she said. “Now go!”

The noise of the Delightful Children’s destructive machine shortly followed.

“As you can see, this woman is clearly in leagues with the Delightful Children,” Numbuh One said. “And in a few moments, you’ll see she’s also responsible for taking out our reserve power.”

The footage continued, showing the woman pulling out an odd remote control robot. About a minute later, the feed cut out.

Numbuh One bent over and pulled out that same robot from behind the podium. Its metal exterior had become charred from the explosion. “This was found next to that console,” he pointed to the affected machine, which had seen major repairs in the past few days.

“She blew out our power with some robot that just about anyone could use, so what?” Numbuh Four snidely stated. “She’s far from the worst we’ve faced! Why the crud do you think this is so important to have to call a meeting?”

“Because, Numbuh Four, we have just discovered this situation is far more serious than we initially thought,” Numbuh One spoke with an annoyed tone. “The main computer’s activity log has detected an access to the hard drive’s contents at around the time the Delightful Children attacked, even though the power was out at that moment. With the fact that the Delightful Children suddenly retreated with seemingly no reason, it is reasonable to assume that obtaining intel was their true objective, and that the attack was just a diversion for someone, likely that woman, to sneak into the treehouse and somehow extract the data from our computers. This could be very bad. The adults may now have complete knowledge of some of our 2x4 technology and defense system designs. Now, if the Delightful Children or Father or some other villain wanted someone to sneak into our base, they would probably ask anyone but some random average lady to do it. So I asked Numbuh Two to do a facial scan of her and search the global KND villain archive. We found out her name is (y/n), and she’s a somewhat recent discovery from the KND College Spies Network. Earlier this year, she published anti-KND propaganda, which has had its contents uploaded to the database in its entirety. To make a long, horrid paper short, she claims to love children, but abhors the KND because she says they ‘poison the minds of the youth’.”

“That’s just stupid talk,” Numbuh Five added. “She’s just trying to rally all those worried parents against us!”

“My thoughts exactly,” Numbuh One responded. “Even if there is nothing else in her portfolio that suggests she is much of a threat, her relative inexperience suggests the adults are making a move to recruit more young and amateur adults for their cause, and with multiple KND secrets possibly being out there now, this issue is now our top priority. Now, Numbuh Two has shared with me something we can do to get a better understanding of the situation. Numbuh Two, would you please come up to the podium to show us what you’ve brought?”

Numbuh Two rose from his seat and took Numbuh One’s place. He was holding a small box, about the size of a ring case.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” he started. He opened the box to reveal a tiny spider-shaped robot. “I present to you the S.P.I.D.E.R!”

* * *

**KIDS NEXT DOOR S.P.I.D.E.R.:**  
**S** neaky  
**P** est  
**I** nfiltrates  
**D** elightful’s  
**E** normous  
**R** esidence

* * *

“Now, this little guy might look like just your everyday creepy-crawly, but it’s actually a micro-camera in disguise!” Numbuh Two introduced his invention. “This iron arachnid will sneak into the Delightful Children’s mansion, spin a perching web, then record every sound and sight in the room it's in as it remains completely unseen! It’s my completely original 2x4 design! I bet nobody in all of history has ever tried a bug-based spying camera!”

“Excellent work, Numbuh Two,” Numbuh One commended. “You are all dismissed for now. I will notify you of any developments that occur."

* * *

“Out! Out! Out!” the Delightful Children yelled as they pushed you out of the dining room.

“What’s the big idea?” you snapped. “I’m on my way to the bathroom!”

“We’re not only cooking dinner,” they explained. “We’re also decorating the dining room into a five-star restaurant! We want it to be a surprise, so go to the bathroom somewhere else!”

“Well why didn’t you say so?” you asked, the tone in your voice shifting. “Well, then you kids get back to work. I look forward to seeing what you’ve done later.”

You then let them be. They had gone straight to the kitchen the moment they got home from school. From the glimpse of the dining room you saw before being forced out, you didn’t see much if any changes to the décor. They must be in the early phases of their decorating. That combined with all the cooking they said they were going to do… it was going to be a late dinner.

And late it was. At around 7:30, the Delightful Children, all donned in waiter outfits, knocked on your door, telling you it was time to eat. They escorted you to the dining room. Upon opening the door, you saw that the room had become a fancy restaurant, just as the Delightful Children claimed. The long dining table was now adorned with flowery centerpieces and candles. The massive windows now had drapes that fine-tuned the room’s lighting, providing an intimate feel. Against the wall was a phonograph playing a slow French tune.

The Delightful Children went and pulled out a chair for you, which went and sat down in.

“Bonjour, mademoiselle,” they said. “We welcome you to Café Délicieux. Please wait while we go gather the other guests for this evening.”

After you left, you decided to inspect the decorations. You felt like there was some sort of theme going on. Clearly it was something French, but you had a hunch that there was some sort of deeper meaning to it all. You lifted one of the candle jars. The jar’s label read:

“Philadelphia Candle Co. One True Love Collection: Swan White Vanilla”

Oh. So it’s not just a French restaurant. It’s a romantic French restaurant. As if the flowers and lovey-dovey music in the background weren’t dead giveaways already. But why though? You recall the Delightful Children saying they had been inspired by a TV program to make this dinner in the first place. Perhaps the Delightful Children had just become huge fans of French cuisine.

However, that assumption was thrown out moments after the Delightful Children had returned with Father. As they pulled out the chair facing yours, you came to a shocking realization.

 _"Do… do the Delightful Children want me and Father,”_ you began to think.

_“to be a thing!?”_

They set this all up! They weren’t inspired by some show! They only wanted to create the most stereotypically romantic atmosphere imaginable so the two of you would fall in love! But why? Why would they want you two to fall for each other? It must have something to do with wanting you to stay around permanently. Most likely, they’re desperate for a mother figure, and if you and Father somehow got together, then they could have the stable feminine presence in the home that they’d been pining for.

If that’s the case, then tough luck for them. You had never harbored any romantic feelings for Father, and you never-

But as he sat down, his eyes meeting yours, you began to think twice on that statement.

 _“Well, it wouldn’t be impossible…”_ you pondered. _“I mean, he’s different… Most other men aren’t completely obscured with the power of the shadows last time I checked. But I wouldn’t say it’s a turn-off… in fact, it really adds to his personality. He’s full of mysteries, and it makes my day brighter uncovering them bit by bit. And he really likes me too! Probably not that kind of like, but I think he really appreciates me for what I’ve done so far. He seems to enjoy my company as well, and I really enjoy his.”_

Those eyes that felt so intimidating when you first met were now on your side. They almost felt safe to explore, an open window to the soul just asking for a peek. You could find yourself doing just that forever…

 _Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up._ Turns out the Delightful Children’s tactics were more effective than you thought. Plus, it’s very shallow for you to think about these things anyway. You tried to tell yourself you’re only thinking about these things because he’s rich. After all, it’s an instinctual thing for women to go after men of wealth and power for the sake of having someone who can provide for and protect them and their offspring. This would have never crossed your mind in any other scenario, right?

_Right?_

Okay, it’s not a sin to say he’s objectively attractive. His figure, his voice, his sense of humor… oh dear. It seems you have a bit of a crush, don’t you?

But it’s not right to act on it.

He’s your boss after all. Such a relationship would be incredibly improper. Plus, he’s what, twice your age? That could be a lot of trouble too. End of story.

It’s best to lock up that secret and move on with life.

To start, you tried discussing a topic with Father that had as little to do with the room as possible. You wouldn’t want him having the same train of thought you did.

“So, what have you been up to today?” you asked him. “Personally I’ve been finishing up the more minor moving-in stuff. Like arranging the stuff on my desk, you know?”

“My day has been similarly uneventful,” he replied. “I spent three whole hours discussing expansion permits with my ice cream factory. Riveting, I know.”

Before you could speak any further, the Delightful Children arrived with the first course, lukewarm veggie soup. After serving it, they exited to go prepare the next dish.

There wasn’t much talk between you and Father as you ate. Suddenly the silence broke.

“Geez, I know they’re only kids, but I should have made you help them cook,” Father commented. “This stuff’s awful!”

“Oh, cut them some slack,” you defended. “They really put in a lot of effort in this.”

You quickly realized that you had made a mistake. Father’s eyes immediately began to dart around the object of greatest effort, that being the room’s decoration.

 _“Please don’t mention it, please don’t mention it…”_ you mentally pleaded.

To your relief, he shrugged and continued eating.

Thankfully, the dreaded topic never came up, even after burnt steaks, wet salad, and the saddest excuse for an éclair you’ve ever seen. You’d like to think he paid little attention to the intentions of his surroundings. Or heaven forbid, what if he did go there and was thinking the same things you were?

You started to doubt the latter as the meal wrapped up. The Delightful Children were thanked, then sent to go prepare for bed. You yourself left that room ultimately confident that your little secret was just that: little and a secret. It wouldn’t have to affect anything and you could continue with the way things have been for the past few days perfectly fine.

But as something watched you from the ceiling, fate had very different plans.


	6. Operation: C.H.A.R.I.T.Y.

**NOW LOADING: KIDS NEXT DOOR OPERATION: C.H.A.R.I.T.Y.:**  
**C** ool  
**H** elmet  
**A** mazingly  
**R** eveals  
**I** nner  
**T** houghts  
**Y** onder

* * *

“Look at her face!” Numbuh Three drew attention to the woman’s expression. “It’s obvious she’s in looooove!”

“Thank you, Numbuh Three,” Numbuh One praised. “I didn’t think we’d ever need a ‘Romance Movie Specialist’ on the team, but I’ve been proven wrong. You may sit now.”

“Okay!” Numbuh Three said cheerfully as she skipped back to the sofa.

“As you can see from Numbuh Three’s explanation, Miss (y/n) seems to harbor some hidden feelings for our arch-nemesis,” Numbuh One stated. He pressed a button on a remote in his hand, rewinding the footage back a few hours. The ornate decorations were gone, leaving just the Delightful Children From Down the Lane in the usual dining room that the operatives knew. They were just beginning to adorn the table with flowers.

“Once Father and Miss (l/n) see this room, they’ll get into such a romantic mood that they become instantly enamored the moment they lay eyes on each other!” they schemed in monologue. “Then they’ll get married and Miss (l/n) can stay with us forever!”

“You might think that woman isn’t worth much of our energy, but the Delightful Children’s attitude about her suggests otherwise,” Numbuh One noted. “Earlier in the feed, they also refer to her as their nanny, which answers our questions about their connections. She is a very valuable ally to them, to the point of them wanting to remove any possibilities that she goes off to other ventures. With this in mind, it may be possible that she was the mastermind behind the last attack. When the Delightful Children use subtlety rather than pure force, they are always aiming for a large, very destructive scale. The hit-and-run style maneuver they used just doesn’t seem characteristically them. It is evident that this woman isn’t just a nanny, she’s also a cunning tactician. Our current objective is to find a way to sever her ties to Father and the Delightful Children. If we can do it properly, we can easily remove one of the adults from their forces.”

“Fat chance that’s gonna work!” Numbuh Five commented. “She’s already looking at matchstick over there with that lovey-dovey face. Bleh! Geez girl, why him of all people?”

“Well, all girls like mysterious bad boys!” Numbuh Three answered. “It said so on _Angel Rider 2: Roads of Love_! I mean, we can all agree Father is very mysterious and very, very bad, right?”

“Oh really, guess I should start being vague about what I say or something, might make me look cool…” Numbuh Four muttered under his breath.

“What was that?” Numbuh Three asked. “I couldn’t hear you.”

“Uh, it was nothing, just, uh, was thinking about the, um, Delightful Children’s plans!” he hastily responded.

“Guys, we’re getting a bit off track here!” Numbuh One said irritably. “I have been working with Numbuh Two again to come up with a plan, and I think you’ll all really like this one. Numbuh Two, please come up the podium so you can share with us your idea.”

Once again, the two traded places. Numbuh Two was holding what looked like an everyday bike helmet.

“Thank you, Numbuh One,” Numbuh Two began. “With your help and insight, I have come up with something that will send (y/n) back to where she came from and out of the KND’s hair for good! Behold, the H.E.L.M.E.T!”

* * *

**KIDS NEXT DOOR H.E.L.M.E.T.:**  
**H** eadgear  
**E** mbarrasses  
**L** ady  
**M** isspeaking  
**E** ccentric  
**T** houghts

* * *

“Uh, a bike helmet?” Numbuh Four inquired. “What the crud is that supposed to do?”

“Well, the Gallagher Elementary Charity Bike-a-Thon is this Friday, and if Miss (l/n) really loves kids like she claims, then she’ll almost certainly want to attend with the Delightful Children. We can use her being there to our advantage. I was inspired by the time Lizzie ordered that crazy boyfriend helmet thingy to control Numbuh One to go on a date with her.”

Numbuh One let out a sigh, clearly reminiscing on unpleasant memories, but the presentation continued.

“Now, this thing won’t fuse to her head or force her to say things she doesn’t mean,” Numbuh Two clarified. “What it will do is simply use a combination of electric charges and pressure to force its way into her inner-most thoughts, making her spill out all her secrets! What we want to happen is for her to reveal her forbidden feelings for Father. I don’t think he’d be very happy to find out that the woman he hired to watch his kids has a crush on him! In fact, I think the most likely outcome would be, and get this, he’ll get real mad and… _fire her_!”

Nobody laughed.

“Get it, because fire, and the word fired, and Father...” Numbuh Two scrambled to recover his joke, to no avail. “Whatever. The point is that Father will abruptly remove her from her position, and her rank among Sector V’s villains will be no more.”

“How do you know he’ll care?” Numbuh Five questioned his plan. “He could just be apathetic, or even worse, he could like her back!”

“Good question,” he replied. “Numbuh Three. Give us an analysis of Father’s expression compared to Miss (l/n)’s.”

Numbuh Three shook her head. “He just looks the same he always does. I don’t think he likes her, you know, that way.”

“Exactly,” Numbuh Two added. “Plus, I don’t he can be very apathetic when it comes to someone living under his own roof. That knocks off those two possibilities. I think the odds are in our favor. Even still, this operation isn’t a free victory. We somehow need to find a way to get the H.E.L.M.E.T onto her head to begin with. The best way to do that would be to find a situation where she takes off her own helmet so we can switch them without her knowing. I’ll use the H.E.L.M.E.T’s color change feature so it can look identical to hers so she won’t get suspicious. I’ll have to gather more info with the S.P.I.D.E.R before we make a detailed plan we can commit to. In the next few days, I may have to pull some of you aside to talk about it, so be ready if you’re chosen for any kind of role that may arise.”

They all nodded, and the meeting was concluded.

* * *

“A Bike-a-Thon at your school? Why, I would love to bike with you!” you cheerfully said. The Delightful Children had just notified you about the charity event that would be happening at their school at the end of the week.

“Thank you, Miss (l/n),” they responded. “We are very excited to have you join us.”

“Did you ask Father if he wanted to join?” you asked. “I think it would be nice for all of us to go.”

“Oh, he’s coming, he just won’t be biking with us,” they said with sad faces. “He’ll be watching for any KND activity. He thinks they might try to intervene and pull some sort of stunt with such a big family event.”

“Bummer,” you said with disappointment. “Maybe we can all do something together afterwards, when we won’t have to worry about that kind of stuff.”

They agreed to your proposition. What exactly that activity was left to whatever the whims of that day would bring. In the meantime, you decided to head to your room to grab your bike. It was an old thing, but always reliable. Now was the perfect time to give it that maintenance and cleaning you had always intended to do but never got the time.

* * *

The day of the event had arrived. It was quite troublesome hauling the bikes into the car. Yours was no problem, but it was difficult fitting in the Delightful Children’s massive behemoth of a bicycle. To be more accurate, it was a very large tricycle, with five seats- three in one row and two in the other. Each seat had its own pedals and handlebars, only adding to its size. It took a bit of puzzle solving, but you were eventually able to get everything in. You yourself brought a backpack with some basic bike-related supplies should something go wrong, including a bike pump and a first-aid kit. Once all the gear for the day was loaded in, everyone got in the limo and drove to the school.

After you had arrived, it was time to get everything out. As you did so, the Delightful Children went to go confirm their attendance with Mrs. Thompson, as it was still a school day, after all. Father had brought a lawn chair and binoculars for his little stakeout. Once the Delightful Children returned, you bid him farewell and began to roll your bikes out to the event route. You started buckling your helmet, when you suddenly felt a tap on your side. You turned around to see a girl with black hair and a green sweater clearly too big for her.

“Excuse me miss,” she said. “I want to bike with my friends, but my tire got a hole in it! Can you help me?”

She looked very upset. Her sadness filled you with pity, and a strong determination came over you to help this poor child.

“Sure, I’ll see what I can do,” you replied to her. “Take me to your bike and I can fix it right up!”

You began to follow her, but you were interrupted by abrupt voices. It was the Delightful Children, who had finally caught up to you after lugging around their massive bike.

“What are you doing?” they shouted. “She’s our enemy! Why would you help her?”

 _“Our enemy?”_ you internally questioned. You took a longer look at the girl, and quickly realized you had seen her before. _“Oh yeah, she was one of the KND members.”_

“Who cares?” you replied. “She just wants to be able to enjoy today! She might be the opposition, but that’s no reason to deny her such an innocent pleasure! You guys keep going. I’ll meet you at the start of the block.”

The Delightful Children scowled, but they heeded your order and reluctantly continued on, leaving you with the girl.

“Oh… thanks,” the girl said with great surprise. “Well, my bike is just over here by this shrub.”

The two of you stepped off the blacktop and headed into the grass, where a Rainbow Monkey bike was propped up by said shrub, its front tire completely deflated. You inspected it, and noticed a small hole.

“There’s the hole,” you confirmed. “You must have ran over something sharp.”

“Can you fix it?” she asked.

“Yep, and it’s an easy remedy too,” you replied with eagerness. “Nothing a little duct tape won’t solve! Just give me a few moments for me to get everything ready.”  
You took off your backpack and helmet. You hung your helmet on your bike’s handlebars, then zipped open the backpack. You pulled out the duct tape and bike pump. You ripped off a small bit of tape, then patched up the hole. You then connected the tire valve to the pump. You pumped as fast as you could, quickly filling the tire with air.

“All done! Good as new!” you told the girl. “Now you go have fun out there!”

“Wow, thank you nice lady!” she expressed her gratitude. She hopped on and pedaled away.

The good deed was done. Time to get back to the Delightful Children. You put everything away, then returned to your bike. You put on your helmet. It weirdly felt tighter on your head than you remember. You ignored it, and figured that you had just gotten too used to it being off in the past few minutes and moved on.  
You returned to the asphalt, where you saw the Delightful Children looking at you very angrily. You apologized for holding them up. Their mood was unchanged, so the whole occasion was already off to a great start. Fortunately, the sourness had faded after a few minutes of biking, and the Delightful Children acted like they were never mad at you in the first place.

After the Bike-a-Thon had ended, you and the Delightful Children sat down at some picnic benches to rehydrate and relax for a few moments. After your period of rest had ended, it was time to rendezvous with Father. You all began to walk across the school grounds, and you had nearly arrived. Father was visible, reading a newspaper of sorts. Suddenly, the Delightful Children stopped in their steps.

“Drat!” they exclaimed. “We left our water bottles back at the picnic tables!”

“Oh, I guess we’ll have to turn around,” you responded. “Do you need me to go with you?”

“No, we’re capable of going to get them on our own,” they replied. “Just tell Father we’ll be a moment.”

You nodded, and the Delightful Children left to retrieve their lost belongings. You then began to approach Father. However, you felt your helmet unexpectedly become tighter and tighter. It was squeezing your head with great pressure. You tried to unbuckle it, but somehow it wasn’t coming undone. You tried forcing it off by pulling, but it remained motionless, only getting tighter by the moment. It wasn’t painful, but it was incredibly uncomfortable. It was beginning to affect your psyche. A flurry of thoughts swarmed your head, rapid fire notions that were never dwelled on for longer than a millisecond. You were starting to panic. Suddenly, an idea popped into your head, breaking through the mental static. Father could help. You resumed your advancement towards him. As you did, your thoughts became clearer and focused. They were all about him: memories and thoughts, both open and secret. Seemingly, the helmet had found what it wanted, and it instantly became drastically tighter.

You screamed. Father looked up from his newspaper and stared at you very confused.

“What’s going on?” he inquired.

You were squirming in agony with your hands on your head. “GET… IT… OFF!” you shrieked.

Father stood up from his chair and tried to do just that, but the thing wouldn’t budge.

“Why did you have to make it so tight?” he groaned in frustration.

You lifted your head and looked at him face to face. For a moment, you were calm. He was here. He was trying to help you. It was just you and-

The helmet let out another powerful squeeze.

You recoiled in shock, falling out of Father’s grasp. Only one thought remained in your head. It was your most hidden feelings about him. You felt a very strong urge to spill the beans, as if it would make all the suffering go away. You tried to resist it, but the helmet was trying to force it out of you like toothpaste out of the tube.  
“F-Father,” you said against your will.

“What?” he barked. “Stay still so I can get this stupid thing off your head!”

“I, uh, h-have s-s-something to t-t-t-tell you,” you slowly stuttered.

“Can it wait?” Father replied. “I’m trying to focus!”

“I… I…” 

_“No, don’t say it!”_ you pleaded to yourself, trying to summon some kind of willpower to make it stop. _“Whatever you just don’t-“_

“Find you incredibly attractive!” you said, the words flowing out of you like a swift river. 

The world seemed to freeze that instant. It was too late. It had already begun.

“Everything about you just appeals to me on some strange, deep level!” you continued, talking very fast with no pauses. “When I first saw you, I thought, ‘What is he supposed to be? How does that work?’, but like, I kind of thought, ‘You know, that’s kind of got some sort of charm to it. It’s like, exotic and sexy and stuff!’ and that’s not even all! It’s cliché as hell, but your eyes got that going on too! Plus, I could listen to your voice all day! It’s just got that resonance, you know? Oh, but don’t think I’m superficial who only thinks about looks and stuff, from the time I’ve been with you, I can say your personality is just as wonderful. Like, you’re confidant, you’re funny… oh, and you’re just a great man to be around overall! I could be in your company for eons and not think a minute has gone by! I want to know you better. I want to stay by your side. I just… want you, okay?”

“Well, well, well!” a voice came from behind the two of you. It was sunglasses boy and the other KND members.

Nigel Uno. Monty’s boy.

Among them was the girl whose bike you helped fix.

“You!” you yelled, your eyes getting misty. “How could you do this to me?”

She looked upset. Perhaps she regretted backstabbing you. She better.

“As you can see Father, Miss (l/n) thinks you’re just the bees’ knees!” Nigel taunted him. “Oh, who am I kidding? She likes you! Don’t you hate that? You run a tight, professional ship, and it’s all ruined now because Miss (l/n) thinks you’re a little cutie pie!”

The other KND kids started laughing maniacally in an effort to try and get under Father’s skin as much as possible.

Father’s fists clenched and began to tremble with anger.

The cat was out of the bag. Your career was over.

He turned and looked you in the eyes with a cross expression. You flinched in fear, preparing yourself for the worst.

Contrary to your expectations, he lightly pushed you out of the way.

“Stand aside,” he told you calmly. 

He approached the Kids Next Door.

“Did you do this to her?” he asked them.

“We are 100% responsible for this!” a tubby boy with goggles smugly stated. “We just wanted you to know about the little lovebird living in your nest!”

“Yeah, nothing says law and order like order like a stupid woman and her stupid woman emotions ruining everything!” said a short, blonde boy.

“What she said was probably just the tip of the iceberg,” added a girl with a red hat. “For a guy, a woman’s feelings is a rabbit hole, one you’ll wish you never went down!”

Father had reached his tipping point. His entire body burst into a bright blaze.

“LEAVE HER ALONE!” he yelled. “I KNOW IT’S ME YOU HAVE BEEF WITH, BUT NO! YOU JUST HAD TO INVOLVE HER, DIDN’T YOU? NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!”

The KND stood in terror, shocked that their plan had backfired.

“Well… this didn’t go the way I thought it would…” Nigel said nonchalantly. “Kids Next Door, RETREAT!”

They all scrambled away screaming with their arms in the air. Seeing that they were gone, the fire surrounding Father extinguished, and he turned and approached you. He then lit up his finger and burnt off the helmet’s chin strap, finally allowing you to take it off.

_Sweet relief._

“I…am so sorry,” you said. “I didn’t mean anything I said! That helmet must have been some sort of mind control device that was making me some really weird things…”

“Don’t lie to me,” he responded. “That all sounded incredibly genuine to me. The helmet might have made you say it, but you meant every last word, didn’t you?”  
“N-no, I really don’t…” you tried to deny.

Father chuckled. “You know, you’re pretty cute when you blush.”

_Wait…_

_**WHAT!?** _

You were frozen in complete disbelief. There was no way…

“You- you think I’m… cute?” you asked.

“Oh, I’ve thought that the moment you walked in for that interview,” he confessed. “’Dang, she’s a looker’ I thought. But I cast that aside. Even if it was true, it didn’t matter. I was looking for someone to do a job, not love. A relationship was never in the cards for me. I myself had something much more important to do, and that’s eliminating the Kids Next Door for the sake of all adults!”

“Well, I guess we should just leave it at that,” you said with resignation. “Even if the feeling is mutual, it’s just not going to work out isn’t it?”

“Not the case,” he replied.

“Huh?” you gasped.

“I just never came across a woman who liked me back, so now I find myself reconsidering,” he explained.

“How is that possible?” you inquired with a giggle. “I mean, look at you!”

“Most people respect and or fear me,” he replied. “But never do they want get to know me as a person. You were different. You wanted to do things and talk with me. You saw me more than just an ally for a common cause. I swear, multiple people have tried to get on friendly terms with me just because they want to get into my bank account to fund their own evil schemes…”

“So… this is really happening huh…” you muttered. “But still… is this even right? You’re still my boss, after all! Plus, I’m like what, half your age?”

“Hey, we’re both adults, and that’s all that matters, right?” he rebutted.

“I suppose…” you began to smile.

“So, what did you think of that dinner the Delightful Children made for us?” he asked you. “Is that what brought this up?”

“You noticed?” you replied. “I didn’t think you did… but yes. It kind of made me realize everything.”

“Huh. It seems this is exactly what they wanted, isn’t it?” he noted. “We’re going to have a long talk about this…”

“Can we not do that yet?” you requested. “I wouldn’t want them knowing about this, at least not yet.”

He nodded in agreement.

“Thank you, Father,” you said.

“Please, just call me Ben,” he insisted. “Calling me Father when we’d be in a relationship has… connotations that I’d rather not invoke. I don’t think I’d ever let anyone other than Monty call me that, but I suppose there’s a first for everything.”

“Of course,” you giggled. 

You looked out to the distance and saw the Delightful Children returning with their water bottles.

“Crap, they’re back,” you said. “Remember, not a word to them!”

Father chuckled. “Understood. Now, why don’t we pack up and head home…

_…girlfriend.”_


	7. The Date

“Goodnight!” you whispered to the Delightful Children as you slowly closed the door to their room. “See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Miss (l/n),” they said back.

After you closed the door, you walked towards one of the sitting rooms where Father was waiting, sitting on a small couch perfect for just the two of you. On a similarly small coffee table in front of it sat two glasses of wine. He tapped at his side, beckoning you to take a seat with him. As you situated yourself down, he swung his arm around your shoulder.

“My, aren’t you a stud!” you teased. “A bit far for just the first night, isn’t it”

Father let out a hearty laugh. “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” he responded. “I’m a stickler for keeping it clean. If I’m getting pushy, you just call me out for it, okay?”

You nodded. “Well, I’m about to push a bit myself, if you don’t mind!”

You leaned into Father, resting your head on him.

“I’m sorry, but I’m just so…happy,” you said. “What has happened in my life recently just seems too good to be true. I’ve gotten an amazing job, moved into a beautiful home, and found love… It’s like a dream come true, and I feel like I’m just going to wake up and find out none of this is real…”

“Well, you’re a psychologist, and I bet you know a whole lot about dreams,” Father said. “Taste is something that doesn’t really happen in dreams, right? Then have yourself some Moscato and maybe you’ll stop doubting that this is reality.” He gestured toward the wine glasses. You grabbed one and took a sip.

“It’s sweet,” you commented. “But it was not the sweetness of the drink that confirmed my reality, but yours.”

“If you’re going to be that cheesy, I might as well break up with you now,” he replied sarcastically.

You giggled. “You’re right. I’m no poet. I better stop.”

You sat up again and held up your glass.

“Cheers?” you invited him.

Father lifted up his glass and clinked it against yours. As the two of you drank, you enjoyed a good chat well into the night.

“Oh dear, it’s getting late,” you said after some time. “Maybe we could go on a proper date next, like get out of the house and actually go somewhere.”

“We can’t do anything until the weekend is over,” he responded. “We might be able to find some time while the Delightful Children are in school, though.”

“Ooh! Let’s go to the beach!” you suggested.

“Are you sure?” Father asked. “The time frame isn’t the best for that kind of thing.”

“I don’t mind,” you replied.

“Alright,” he acceded. “Sounds like a plan. We’ll get going as soon as the Delightful Children leave for school.”

* * *

“My, you look nice,” Father complimented the bathing suit you were wearing. “Where’d you get it?”

“It was on sale at the mall just recently, actually,” you answered. “Perfect timing, I know.”

The two of you were loading up your car with everything for the beach trip. You had offered to drive, as going to the beach was your idea.

After a long travel, the shoreline was finally visible. You parked, then with the help of Father, hauled everything to the sand. You had brought a picnic blanket and a large beach umbrella for sitting in the shade. After you set up, the two of you sat down and embraced each other in a similar way as the other night ago.

It was pretty much perfect. The beach had very few people on it at that moment, with most of the population being at their 9-5. The sounds and sights of the waves were soothing, crashing down in a calm concerto. Best of all, he was there, holding you tight, making you feel every ounce of his addictively warm body.

“Isn’t this lovely?” you asked him. “It’s pretty much just you and me, isn’t it? Such wonderful weather… my intuition was right to want to come.”

“It’s supposed to get much hotter in the afternoon,” Father noted. “The sand might burn your feet then, so make sure you’re wearing shoes.”

“Around then, we should go swimming,” you recommended. “That should help beat the heat.”

“You could, but count me out,” he replied. “Me and water don’t mix, and I think you can figure out why.”

“Oh yeah, the fire thing,” you thought out loud. “I can see that. Well, why don’t we get ice cream later instead? That should fulfill the same purpose I think.”

“I’d like that,” he agreed with glee.

You chuckled. “You’re so cute when you’re enthusiastic,” you said. “I may not be able to see you smile, but I can certainly feel it.”

“I-uh…” he stuttered. “…thanks. I didn’t think I’d ever hear someone say something like that to me.”

“I’m done with doubting good things happening to me,” you said. “Would it be so hard for you to do the same?”

Father sat silently for a few moments. He then started stroking your hair, an advance you welcomed.

You spent a good time relaxing, enjoying each other and the lulling atmosphere. However, that was interrupted by an incessant buzzing. Father reached down and pulled out a cell phone.

“What is it?” he asked with irritation. “…Oh, you. Look, could you call some other time? You’re interrupting my time with my girlfriend…! Why just a few days ago in fact…! Oh, so now it can’t wait? You’ve delayed me three times at this point and now you want to be the one asking for urgency…? Fine. Give me a moment.”

He put down the phone, covering the speaker. He looked at you sadly.

“I’m really sorry, but a client just called me out of the blue, and I really need to take this call. Unfortunately, it’s probably going to be a while.”

“No worries,” you responded. “I’m not in a rush.”

He continued his conversation. “…I’m breaking up? Huh, the reception here is pretty lousy. I’ll have to move to the parking lot then.”

He looked at you again, but you understood his problem and simply nodded. He nodded back, then stood up and left.

You now had a good chunk of free time for yourself. It was the opportune moment to go swimming, as you didn’t have to worry about leaving Father behind. You stepped into the frigid waters, frolicking in the waves with little care. Eventually, you grew tired of swimming and returned to the shore. Father was still absent. With a bit of extra time on your hands, you headed towards a surf shop not far from your spot. As you browsed the souvenirs, you couldn’t help but feel you were being watched. You turned around several times, but always saw nobody. You figured it was just your overactive imagination and continued with your business.  
Nothing in the store caught your eye, so you left. You started heading back to the spot, but you were interrupted by a voice.

“Excuse me?” it said.

You turned around to see a gangly man behind you.

“Oh, may I help you with anything?” you asked him.

“Hey pretty lady,” he said in slurred, obviously drunken speech. “You wanna get a drink at the bar?”

“I’m good, thank you,” you quickly replied, desperate to get out of the situation. You walked faster, but the man kept following you.

“I said no!” you barked with irritation. “My boyfriend is waiting for me, so I really need to go!”

Suddenly, he reached out and grabbed your arm. “You’re just lying to avoid talking to me!” he scowled.

You were shocked. You tried to use your other arm to free yourself, but he grabbed that one too.

“SOMEONE HELP!” you screamed at the top of your lungs. “BEN! HELP M-” you found your cry cut short as the man pulled you in and covered your mouth with his hand. You squirmed, but to no avail. The man was stronger than he looked.

“Why bother yelling?” he taunted. “There’s nobody around. You’re coming with me whether you like it or not!”

You closed your eyes and tried to muster the strength to try and escape again, but nothing was strong enough. You were just about to give up when you felt a sudden heat over your head. The man yelled in pain, releasing you from his grasp. You stood up to find Father pulling him by the collar of his raggedy, stained shirt with a flaming fist in the other hand.

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?” Father screamed at him with a thunderous ferocity.

The man had no response, completely absorbed in terror at the demon he had just summoned.

Father’s whole body erupted into a blazing inferno, with the flames reaching out far enough to burn the man. “KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY GIRLFRIEND!” he howled.

As the man’s bloodcurdling screams sounded, you grew incredibly worried.

“Ben, stop!” you cried out. “You’ll kill him!”

He stopped burning and dropped the man onto the ground.

“He deserved worse,” he said venomously. “I might be a villain, but villains still have boundaries. He’s a monster. I should make him pay, but if you want me to stop, I will.”

You embraced him, tears running down your cheeks.

“I was so scared,” you sobbed. “I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t come…”

“I was just coming back when I heard you,” he replied. “We were very lucky.”

He then looked down at the man, who was starting to moan, struggling to get up. Father let go of you and grabbed the man’s neck.

“Now, I’ll make you a deal,” Father offered him. “If you swear not to do that to anyone ever again, I’ll let you go, and I won’t contact the authorities. But if I find out you’ve broken that promise, I’ll personally hunt you down myself, and she won’t be around to stop me from inflicting the worst I can do. And before you ask, yes I’ll be able to find out. I’ve got connections everywhere, and if I hear one word from them about you, it’s over.”

The man frantically nodded. Father let him go, and he took off as fast as his legs could take him.

“I didn’t think you were the merciful type,” you said, surprised with his methods.

“Consider this an exception,” he replied.

“I know it’s a weird time to ask this, but I think we should get some ice cream now,” you suggested. “Part of me just wants to forget this happened, and that would be the perfect way to just get my mind off things.”

Father agreed, and the two of you began your trek to the nearby ice cream shop. You arrived to an empty parlor, with only the cashier there to greet you. With nobody waiting on you, you had all the time you wished to make your selections. You scanned the menu, considering the numerous options. You then noticed something of interest.

“Look at that!” you said as you nudged Father. “They’ve got a sundae for two at a really good price! You pick two flavors, and then they top them with hot fudge and serve it in a long dish!”

“That sounds appetizing,” he reacted. “I take it we each pick a flavor. In that case, Rocky Road for me.”

“Good choice,” you agreed. “I’ll go with vanilla. It might be a bit boring, but if the flavors are touching like in the picture, we’re going to want a more neutral flavor so the sundae won’t taste bad when the scoops start melting into each other.”

Father gave you a strange look, clearly judging your choice, but it seemed he found your logic reasonable. He approached the register and made your order.  
Within a few moments, you were handed the large frozen treat. You headed out of the building and sat at the unoccupied picnic benches right outside the shop. The two of you began to enjoy the sundae's sweet, creamy goodness. You were going absolutely ham on it, taking spoonful after spoonful with little delay. Father looked at you with concern, worried that some great misfortune would fall upon you for it, be it choking or the worst brain freeze known to man.

“You’re eating too fast,” he advised. “There’s a huge mess on your face and you don’t even notice!”

“I do?” you inquired. “Oh crud, I didn’t think to grab napkins!”

“I have some,” he offered. “Although, it’s in a really weird spot. You’ll probably miss it, so it’s probably best if I help wipe it down for you.”

“Well, ok…” you replied with some confusion. You leaned in a bit to make it easier for him.

Contrary to your expectations, he did not pull out a napkin to clean your face.

Instead, he also leaned in and delivered a kiss directly to your lips.

Your eyes widened in surprise. It only lasted for less than a second, but it felt like a blissful eternity. His lips had similar qualities to how the rest of him felt: it was warm, with a secondary cool and smooth sensation. On top of that, you could taste a subtle hint of tobacco. You knew that it wasn’t something you were supposed to like, but you found yourself craving it, if only for the fact that it was coming from him. It all lingered even after his lips left yours.

“You lying snake!” you said, all flustered. “I don’t actually have any mess on me, do I?”

“Nope,” he replied nonchalantly.

“Well, you best make it up to me and give me another one!” you requested. “I wasn’t ready for that! Make this one really count!”

Father chucked. “Alright, I won’t pull that stunt again. For real this time.”

The two of you smacked lips once again. This time, you were prepared for it, finally able to enjoy every moment.


	8. The Talk

“We need to tell them,” you said. “It’s been two weeks already. I think enough time has passed. I just always feel anxious whenever we go out, scared about the possibility of them finding out before we’re ready to explain it. Well, I’m ready now. The very moment they get home from school, we pull them aside for a little talk.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that,” Father responded. “How do you wanna lay the news on them? From what we know, this is what they want. It’d be the ideal opportunity to confront them about their suspicious dinner while we’re at it.”

You nodded. “I’m thinking we just be totally straightforward about it,” you suggested. “They might be children, but they’re not stupid. Trying to give anything but the raw, uncompromised truth will raise more questions than it puts down. I personally think you should be the one to officially let the cat out of the bag. I mean, you are the actual parent here…”

“Wha- who, me?” Father asked in surprise. “I mean, you seem to be the better orator of us, so wouldn’t you be the better one to-“

“It’s okay,” you interrupted him. “I know you can do this. It won’t be hard at all if you just be honest.”

You heard the front door open.

“Speak of the devil…” you commented. “Well, it’s showtime. Let’s do this.” You offered your hand to Father. He took hold of it, and the two of you made your way to the foyer. There, you saw the Delightful Children setting down their schoolbags.

“Welcome home, my Delightful Children,” Father greeted them.

“Hello, Father,” they greeted back.

“Could I, uh, speak with you all?” he nervously asked.

The Delightful Children all stared at him with their full attention.

“I’ve been keeping this from you for some time now, but Miss (l/n) and I…” he started to announce. He stopped for a moment to look at you. You smiled and nodded, with a face that said, “You’ve got this.”

He faced the Delightful Children once more.

“Miss (l/n) and I… are in a relationship now.”

The Delightful Children’s eyes widened in glee. They looked like they were about to say something, but Father was quick to interject.

“Not a word, because I think you have some explaining to do!”

Their expression shifted to a somber one.

“Remember your little dinner night? We know there were ulterior motives. You wanted us to get together! Well, here we are, exactly what you hoped for.”  
“We’re sorry Father…” they apologized. “We’ve always wanted a mother, and when Miss (l/n) came, we thought she’d be perfect… We saw our chance to get what we’ve yeaned for…”

“Well, I guess you’re really lucky it worked out,” you told them.

Their faces brightened. “Does this mean we can call you Mother?” they asked.

“Whoa, slow down!” you replied. “Even though I’m dating your dad, I’m still not your mom! I’d honestly rather you’d not do that.”

“Now, just because we’re together doesn’t mean anything’s changed,” Father added. “She’s still your nanny, and the only thing that’s different is that we might go out from time to time, so if you come home from school and we’re not there, don’t be surprised.”

They nodded with understanding, and the little meeting was dismissed.

* * *

“So why do you want a mother so much?” you asked the Delightful Children, who were snugly tucked into bed. “Were you lonely? Father is often busy with work, so I can totally see that being the case. Did you think another adult around the house would help fill that void?”

“That’s…not the case,” they reluctantly replied, as if they were admitting something they’d rather not disclose. “The truth is… Father… can be, well… difficult to deal with. We’ve noticed ever since you’ve arrived, Father hasn’t gotten mad at us. It’s almost like you are capable of neutralizing the worst in him…”

“Really?” you inquired. “I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.”

They shook their heads. “We doubt it. He really likes you, Miss (l/n). He doesn’t want you to see that side of him.”

“What, that he gets angry often?” you asked. “Oh, I’ve seen that, but it’s been in situations where it’s totally justified.”

“It might only be a matter of time before that’s not the case anymore…” they cautioned. “Can you, uh, promise us something?”

“What is that?” you replied.

“If he does start acting irate around here again, just… don’t be surprised… and don’t even think about deserting him!”

You were thrown off by their sudden tonal shift, but you put that aside and smiled. “Whoa, don’t worry, I’m not going to ditch at the first sight of conflict! That’s not how relationships work!” you assured. “Now, you kids get to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You bid each other goodnight, and you left the room.

Thinking you weren’t tired yet and had time to spare, you searched the mansion for Father. You found him in his office, where he was enjoying a smoke break.

“I take it your duties are done for tonight?” he asked you after hearing you enter the room.

You nodded, then started approaching him.

“Say, there’s something I always wanted to ask you,” you began.

“And that is?” Father inquired.

“Not to sound rude, but I have always wondered what is up with the Delightful Children,” you answered. “It’s remarkable how coordinated they are. They’re always moving and talking together in a manner I just can’t explain. I know it’s common knowledge that people with close bonds might be able to finish each other’s sentences and stuff, but this far exceeds that kind of level. Could you care to explain?”

Dead silence.

After a few moments, Father finally found the words to respond. “Are you sure you want to know?”

“Well, why not?” you replied. “I did ask.”

“I have a feeling that you’re not going to like the answer very much,” he answered ominously.

“I genuinely want to know,” you responded. “Just tell me the truth.”

Father let out a deep sigh. “I don’t think you’ll like me much after this, but Miss (l/n), the truth is that the Delightful Children’s brains are scrambled, rewired beyond repair. And the thing is, I’m entirely to blame.”

“What!?” you said in shock. “How did you-“

“Fried their neurons with a delightfulizing laser,” he interrupted you. “They had broken into my mansion, so after striking them down, I retaliated with a blast from my new and improved Delightfulizing Chamber. Unfortunately, it malfunctioned, but that turned out to be blessing in disguise, as it magnified its effects to the point of irreversibility. Soon I was graced with five Delightful Children. None of them had parents, as they were all in the foster system when they attacked me. I had never planned on having kids in any form, but as they all immediately grew attached to me, I found myself forced to take them in.”

“They broke into your house, so you brainwashed them!?” you said in disbelief, growing quite furious. “That’s awful! That can’t be good for a child’s development! What if they have problems later in life? If that happens then it’ll be all your fault!"

Father scowled at your objection. “And frankly, I don’t have an ounce of regret about it! They were an insufferably rowdy bunch before, and it was the only way they’d ever have any form of discipline or obedience! Plus, it’s the best way to disarm the Kids Next Door! After all, the best way to win against them is to have them not want to fight us at all!”

“How could you say that!” you yelled at him. “Just because it’s the easy way out doesn’t make it the right way! You change a child with love, compassion, and patience, not by obliterating their frontal cortexes!”

Father stood up, and a light blaze started burning around him. “I don’t think I need you to tell me how to tell me how to raise my kids!” he hissed.

“Hey, you hired me to help raise them too!” you rebutted. “Don’t get mad at me for just doing my job!”

His flames intensified greatly. He stood by you intimidatingly, causing you to instinctively shrink up. “NOW LISTEN HERE YOU SASSY LITTLE-“he stopped mid-sentence upon seeing you cowering and shielding your face. After a moment, the tension in his body slowly disappeared, as did the fire. He looked very upset. “This…went a little far, didn’t it?”

Surprised at him backing down, you stood up straight up again. “Yeah…I guess it did.”

Father stood still for a moment, introspecting. “I usually don’t cool down that fast…” he said. “But when I saw it was in fact you quivering in fear, something went off in my brain. Nothing like that’s ever happened before… Normally I just keep on being mad out of my mind.”

“The Delightful Children told me that I mitigate the worst in you,” you mentioned. “I guess that’s true now that I’ve seen it for myself.”

“I suppose…” he replied. “I’m…sorry for getting so worked up. It was just a disagreement about anti-child tactics. This should have been a civil debate, not a screamfest… I suppose it’s just in my nature to get real agitated over things.”

“I understand,” you assured him. “What’s in the past is done. I might think what you’ve done is incredibly morally abhorrent, but I’m willing to let it go and just move on. We can start with the present. My first preposition is that you never use any mind-scrambling devices on any children ever again.”

He groaned, but he quickly showed signs of genuine consideration. “I mean, that thing’s only really worked well for me once…” he thought out loud to himself. “Even after centuries of the technology being available, it hasn’t really improved much…it’s still very delicate and susceptible to reversal. A mere camera flash can null out the average case. It’s so unreliable that I guess I wouldn’t be losing much if I swore it off…” He looked at you directly in the eyes. “Fine. You win.”

“Thank you,” you said. “Don’t worry, we’ll fine some other way to make children submit to adult authority, I promise. But still, I’m proud of you for stopping before things got worse. Now, I know a way you can make it up to me and we can act like this never happened…”

“How?” Father inquired.

You put on a mischievous smile. “Give me a kiss, Benny. I sure do like those.”

“What, we’re gonna just smooch and forget?” he asked, confused. “Well, I guess I’m in no position to complain. Pucker up, princess.”

After some passionate pecks, you said goodnight and went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here I do break my "as canon as possible" policy, my apologies. While it's never stated that the Delightful Children lacked parents before being adopted by Father, it's a theory I've seen floating around. Many speculate that the Delightful Children have stunted aging due to delightfulization, as Sector Z is considered "legendary", as well as the fact that the Delightful Children are obsessed with growing up, making it thematically ironic. However, I tend to disagree. While it does make thematic sense, being "legendary" by age is not a guarantee. Kids don't have the best scope or perspective of time, as I do recall in Operation: E.N.D. (please correct me if I'm wrong, I'm going off of memory right now), Numbuh One is despairing about the prospect of decommissioning, so Numbuh Three comforts him by saying they still have a long time until it happens to them, which in reality is only about three or so years, which makes sense for her to think that, as that is pretty much a whole third of her age at that point. Therefore, it's plausible that the Sector Z incident didn't happen that long ago, and they are legendary for a different reason. Another theory that I've seen, which ties into the orphan/foster Sector Z theory is that since they had no adults to return to at the end of the day, Sector Z was able to accomplish more things in less time than the average Sector, which was the actual source of their legendary status. While the two theories are not mutually exclusive, the foster/orphan theory still tends to reject the stunted age proposition. Also, it is a bit OOC for Father to want kids seeing how he hates them, even if delightfulized, so the possibility of him returning them to their parents should be out of the question, making reason to why he adopted them to begin with. If this ends up being totally wrong when hopefully someday GKND becomes a thing, then oh well. Alternate universe then, I guess. My fic, my rules lol
> 
> On a side note, thank you everyone for reading, and extra thanks to all the love from the comments. I'm really surprised how much traffic this has gotten, especially from such a dormant fandom. It really motivates me to try and update frequently on a weekly-ish basis. I would have had this chapter out sooner, but tale as old as time: my computer needed fixing pretty much when I had the whole chapter done. Fortunately, the repair went smoothly with all my files intact, so no need to rewrite anything, thank the lord. Apologies for the wait, but I hope you enjoyed it.


	9. The Debut

“Are you kidding me?” you groaned in annoyance as the plug of the vacuum cleaner was yanked from the wall socket, causing it to shut off.

You had decided to spend your alone time cleaning your bedroom. It definitely wasn’t going well as it could be, as you had just tripped over the cord, leading to the irritating situation at hand. You were about to plug it back in for another go when you were interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

“I’ll get it!” you instinctively shouted. In reality, you knew the mansion was too big for the possibility of either Father or Jenkins hearing you, but the phrase had become so ingrained in your mind that you couldn’t help but say it anyway. You quickly made your way down the stairs and to the front door. You opened it to see a teenage girl. She had dark skin and hair, and she wore a pink crop top with baggy jeans.

“Hey, is Father home?” she asked.

“He is,” you replied. “He’s in his office. I can take you there.”

“Thanks, but I’ve been here enough times to know where that is,” she declined your offer.

You let her in, and she headed in the direction of the office. Out of curiosity, you followed her to her destination. She knocked on the door of Father’s workspace.

“Hello, Father?” she hailed. “It’s Cree. I have that status report you requested.”

“Enter,” he granted.

Cree opened the door and walked into the room. After waiting a few moments, you entered as well.

“Sorry for intruding,” you apologized as you walked into the room in the middle of them having a conversation. “I see we have a guest. Can I get either of you anything?”

“Oh, (y/n),” Father greeted you pleasantly. “I don’t think you’ve met her yet. This is Cree. She’s a top performing Teen Ninja and my personal protégé. Miss Lincoln, this is my girlfriend, (y/n). She’s the Delightful Children’s nanny.”

“You’ve got a girlfriend!?” Cree said in surprise. “Aww! Congratulations! I’m really happy for you!”

She then turned to you. “Wait, (y/n), was it?”

You nodded.

“I think I’ve heard of you before!” she stated. “It was in _Baddies’ Bimonthly_ I think! They were talking about the recent KND data leak and you were mentioned for being the one who seized the intel!”

“Wha- how did they know?” you inquired. “I mean, all I did was climb a tree and plug in a drive… nothing too special…”

“I’ve released that info to the villain press,” Father answered. “It’s a pretty big break for us, and hey, credit is due where credit is due.”

“Oh, speaking of, I was going to save this for later, but I’ve got two invitations for the upcoming villain’s seminar to discuss the leak next weekend.” Cree mentioned.

“I was told there was to be a second recipient alongside Father here, and I guess that’s you, Miss (y/n)!”

She pulled out two white envelopes with a blue wax seal stamped with a large ‘W’.

“Werk Co…. Guess Mr. Boss is running this thing then,” Father commented.

Suddenly, the phone on Father’s desk started ringing.

“Excuse me for a second,” he asked for pardon. He picked up the phone. “This is Father speaking….Oh, she’s here right now and just delivered them…I see…I’ll tell her about it… I see…Well, mark us down for it, then…Very well. I’ll speak with you later.” He then hung up.

“Who was that?” you asked.

“That was Mr. Boss,” he answered. “He wants to have me introduce you to all the other villains.”

“Really?” you asked in surprise. “I’m not sure… I don’t think they’ll find me all that interesting…”

“Hey, relax!” Cree consoled. “I remember when I was invited to my first villain meeting. They wanted me as a special guest. I had just joined the Teen Ninjas after managing to escape the K.N.D Decommissioning Squad. Trust me, we’re all newcomers at some point, and the network always makes sure to honor the rookies.”  
“That’s nice, but I’m worried about how they’ll perceive me,” you responded. “I’m just an ordinary woman. Imagine they all finally meet the one responsible for such a large development only to be met with disappointment!”

“Don’t think of it that way,” Father rebutted. “Now, neither of you tell anyone else this, but I’d say 90% of the local villain network is comprised of nothing but clowns. I would not put any weight into any of their opinions whatsoever.”

“Hey, I’ve got an idea!” Cree said. “After I finish the rest of my business with Father, I can help teach you some battle moves! It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Just basic self-defense stuff is all that’s really needed.”

“Really? Thanks!” you accepted her offer. “I think there’s a gym downstairs we can use!”

“Sounds great!” she replied. “I’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

* * *

“Are you sure about this?” you asked with worry. You were wearing all kinds of protective gear: a goalie helmet, knee pads, and boxing gloves, but still you felt unnerved and defenseless.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you,” Cree assured. She herself had donned a set of light eastern-looking armor. “Plus, when the Kids Next Door come to ambush you, you’re not going to have time to prepare. You’re going to be as protected a baby chick out of the nest, so it’s your technique, not your gear, that’s going to be what pulls you through. Now, first thing I want you to do is try and punch me.”

You swallowed nervously, then threw out a pathetic swing, which Cree immediately caught.

“That’s not an effective form,” she critiqued. “Have your elbow at a ninety degree angle like this…” She demonstrated to you the proper technique. “Then twist and straighten!”

You did the punch as she had instructed.

“Good,” she commended. “Now try it on me.”

You did as she commanded, and she caught it the same, but this time her arm shook a bit from taking the force of your blow.

“Excellent,” she praised. “I still was able to block it, but as you can see, this one had more power to it. If I wasn’t prepared for that, it could have actually hurt me!”

For the next few hours, the two of you practiced all kinds of kicks, punches, dodges, and blocks. It was hard work, and although some of the moves proved to be too difficult, you felt a bit more confident none the less. As the two of you sparred, Father unexpectedly came down to join you.

“Hmm, I always saw you as the ‘I’m a lover, not a fighter’ type,” he teased. 

“Oh, come on down and try me!” you challenged him with jest. “Contrary to your expectations, I am quite capable of throwing hands!”

Father chuckled. “Well then bring it on, princess!” he taunted.

Cree also chuckled. “Now Father, just make sure you go easy on her. If she couldn’t even get a good hit on me, imagine how she’d fare against you.”

He nodded with understanding, then approached you with clenched fists. Cree decided to assume the role of referee, so she moved out of the way of you two.

“Now, this is going to be a fair fight,” she stated. “No hits below the waist, no head-butting, no-"

“We get it!” you interrupted her. “Let’s get this thing started!”

“I like that attitude!” she complimented you. “Three, two, one, and begin!”

Before you could even think of what to do, Father suddenly approached you with blinding speed, grabbed you by the arm, and performed a shoulder throw on you, slamming you down on the mat with a massive thud.

“Hey! I thought I told you to go easy on her!” Cree scolded him.

“That was easy,” he dryly replied.

“I’m all sore…” you whined.

“Here, I’ll carry you upstairs,” he offered. “It’s getting late anyways. It’s time you get home, Miss Lincoln. I’ll give you a bonus for your extra time.”

“Thank you, Father,” she responded. “I’ll see the two of you at the seminar.”

She left the room. Father then picked you up from the back and legs and carried you up the stairs.

* * *

“Thanks for filling in for me today,” you said to Jenkins. “We should be home around nine-ish, so make sure the Delightful Children are in bed by the time we get home.”

“I’ve done this far longer you have and suddenly you’re the expert?” he teased you. “I’m just pulling your leg. You two go enjoy yourselves.”

“I’m not sure how fun a bunch of morally deficient malefactors blabbering on for hours can be, but I’ll keep my mind open,” you replied with a laugh. “Well, it’s time Father and I get going, so take care!”

You headed out and got into the car. Father agreed to drive, as you had been the one behind the wheel last time. After a short drive, you arrived at a parking garage. Father purchased the ticket, then the two of you made your way down to the streets. You walked towards the movie theater where the seminar was secretly being held. According to the instructions in the letter, you were to purchase tickets for a six o’clock showing of a certain film. For security reasons, the showing was not specified, with the only note being: “it should be obvious”. After looking at the large posters in front of the theater, you knew which movie it was. Front in center was a poster for the newest adult release: _Nudity!: Violence the Movie 2!_ , which boasted in big bright letters that it “shows as much skin as the law lets us!”. Your stomach felt uneasy. This had _better_ be just a cover up!

“They couldn’t have picked a worse film for a facade huh?” you groaned. “You get our ‘tickets’.”

Father nodded. He looked at the ticket booth cashier directly in the eyes. “Two tickets for exactly what you think it is,” he said with a tinge of sarcasm.

“Uh, yessir,” the cashier nervously replied, handing Father the two paper slips.

He looked at you again, motioning you to follow him into the theater. You made your way to cinema number nine, just as marked on the ticket. The room was brightly lit, contrary to the norm for movie theaters. As the seats came into view, you saw dozens upon dozens of odd-looking individuals. You saw someone stand up. It was Cree, who had noticed the two of you entering. She waved you over to her location, asking for the two of you to come sit near her. You pointed it out to Father, who agreed to join the teen villain.

“Hey, how’s it going?” she greeted the two of you as you took your seats next to her. “I saved you a spot so Miss (y/n) didn’t get stuck with anyone like the Common Cold. Trust me girl, I’ve been there. Those sniffling noises are burned into the deepest recesses of my brain now.”

“Don’t you normally sit with that Dickinson kid?” Father asked her.

“He couldn’t make it today,” she answered. “He’s got a big game right now the next town over. I was kinda bummed, since he’s really the only other person around my age who regularly attends these things, and it’s nice to have someone you can talk with who really gets the stuff you’re going through.”

“I understand,” you said. “If you have anything you ever need to talk about, I’m all ears.”

“Aww, thanks Miss (y/n)!” she replied with appreciation.

“Say, Cree, can I ask something of you and (y/n)?” Father asked you both. His voice had lowered with his hand cupped near his mouth, indicating he was about to tell you something confidential. Seeing this, you both leaned in. “Please don’t mention me and (y/n)’s relationship. It’s still a private matter between just us, and I’m not ready for anyone else to know. Now, I trust you Cree, as well as a few others, but do you think someone like the Toiletnator would be able to keep a secret? No, him and the others would just gossip about us. You wouldn’t want that, right, (y/n)?”

You shook your head, concurring with his thought.

“Good,” he continued. “So if they ask about our connections, just mention she’s my Delightful Children’s nanny and that’s it. Got it?”

The two of you nodded, then returned to your seats. A few moments later, a large, hunched man with a cigar in his mouth entered and stood at the front of the room. He must be the organizer, Mr. Boss. He was holding a microphone, and holding it up to his mouth, began to speak.

“Ehem! May I have your attention!” he called out. “I’d like to welcome you all to our KND data leak seminar. We’ve got quite a bit to cover here, so let’s get this started as fast as we can. We’ll have a break in the middle for about ten minutes, so please try to refrain from leaving until intermission.”

He gave what seemed to be the angry eye to someone in the audience, as if they were the reason he was explicitly stating this.

“Now, I got some feedback that some of you were confused why we were doing another movie theater meetup after our last one was infiltrated by a member of the Kids Next Door. Well, I decided to try a little double dip move. It’s like playing rock-paper-scissors. You wouldn’t expect the other person to go for the same move multiple times. That’s my gambit here. The Kids Next Door probably think this location is off our list after the failure of the last meeting here, so they’ll be searching everywhere but this theater. Anyways, I would like to start by welcoming up Father and Miss (y/n), who were behind the operation that retrieved the information with us today.

Upon hearing you called, you stood up and carefully stepped down the stairs. You turned back to see Cree giving you an encouraging thumbs up. You took in a deep breath, then continued your way down. A tech manager at the bottom row handed you and Father each your own microphones.

“Hello Father,” Mr. Boss greeted him. “Good to see you again. Say, who is this fetching lady you’ve brought here today?”

“Well, this is (y/n),” he answered. “I hired her to be a nanny for my Delightful Children. That same day I hired her, she volunteered to help the Delightful Children with their assault and helped refine their plan into the landmark mission it would become. In that battle, she directed the Delightful Children, then snuck into the Kids Next Door’s treehouse while they were distracted. She might not be the most powerful, nor the most skilled out there, but she’s smart and dedicated, and I believe she’ll be a solid asset for us in the future.”

“Um, hello!” you introduced yourself nervously. “I’m glad we share a common goal, and I hope we can work together to make a better world for both kids and adults.”

An uncomfortable silence fell on the room. The crowd did not appear to be very impressed with your virtuous mission statement.

“Hey, uh, I have a question!” one of the villains in the crowd said, raising their hands.

Mr. Boss groaned. “What’s your question, Toiletnator?”

“So, uh, don’t you all think Father is being abnormally nice about her?” he commented. “I don’t think he’s ever talked like that about anyone else… Do you think he likes her?”

“I do NOT!” Father angrily replied. “In fact, she’s a real pain in my butt! She’s just good at her job, that’s it!”

The audience was dead quiet yet again. They were clearly not buying his lie.

“What he means to say…” you butted in. “…is that our relationship is purely professional. He’s just worried about how such accusations will affect his public image, so I implore you all to please think before you speak.”

“Well, this has gotten off topic…” Mr. Boss sighed. “I think it’s about time we move on. You two can go back now.”

Feeling incredibly relieved, you returned to your seat. The rest of the meeting was complete gibberish to you. A bunch of blueprints and plans were projected onto the silver screen giving you possible visual clues, but you couldn’t understand any of the technical jargon that was being thrown around. 

During the halfway break, you and Father snuck into an empty cinema that wasn’t due for another showing for quite a while.

“You saved my socks out there,” he thanked you. “I would have made even a bigger fool of myself if you hadn’t intervened.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” you replied sheepishly. “I was just doing what I could to protect you.” You nervously fidgeted your fingers. “I was thinking about what you said earlier about me. You said I wasn’t that impressive all things considered. At first, I felt really embarrassed, if not a little mad. But then, I realized you’re right. I’m a shrimp. I was free pickings for that beach creep, plus you whipped me like a ragdoll during my training session with Cree. Do you think there’s anything I could do to change that? I don’t want to be a hindrance. I want to be able to help you and the Delightful Children better.”

“There’s no need,” he responded. “You’re helping a great deal already. I mean, you did that just now. It’s like you’re my people person or something. I might be able to strike up deals and shake hands, but to be real, I’m totally lost when it comes to anything deeper than that. I let my emotions get the better of me, and if people weren’t so afraid of me, I’d just be a joke. Without intimidation, nobody would have a reason to listen to me. I don’t want to be just feared, but respected. You keep me away from the things that tarnish my chances of the latter. It's kind of like you’re the brakes on my runaway train, and that’s a strength not found in any muscle.”

“That’s so cheesy…” you reacted. “…I love it. It all makes so much sense. We’re a team, Ben. I’m the brains, and you’re the brawn. Oh, I’m not saying your dumb, of course. In fact, you’re incredibly intelligent. I’m talking in more of a social sense. I think we cover each other's blind spots pretty well, you think? I can help guide you to the best you, and you can protect me from even the toughest of adversaries. If that’s what I’m good at doing, then I’m going to do my best to support you so we can be stronger together, okay?”

You gave him a smooch on the cheek. “Intermission’s going to be over soon, so let’s get back before people start getting suspicious.”

Father said nothing else, simply holding your hand tight as you exited the dark room.


	10. Operation: S.H.A.D.E.

**NOW LOADING: KIDS NEXT DOOR OPERATION: S.H.A.D.E.-**  
**S** howing  
**H** er  
**A** dorer’s  
**D** efinitive  
**E** xterior

* * *

“Stupid adults and their stupid breach, making me have to stupidly stay up all night and revise these stupid plans!” Numbuh Two ranted as he threw yet another failed alteration plan into the junk bin.

It was a cloudy, overly humid, and rather dreadful night. The moon, glowing gently on the earth below, beckoned Numbuh Two to the warm embrace of the bed, but he stubbornly resisted, insisting to himself that he complete his objective so that no KND operative would be affected by the recent leak. He started scribbling down a new idea when his train of thought was interrupted by a knock at his door. Upon opening it, he was met with the face of Numbuh One.

“Hello, Numbuh Two,” he greeted. “Apologies for bothering you so late, but I have just thought of the most ingenious idea, and I need your help!”

“Really? What do need me for?” Numbuh Two asked in response.

“Do you remember when we tried to make Father hate Miss (y/n) to get her fired?”

“Yeah, and that failed miserably!” Numbuh Two dismissed as he turned around to get back to his work.

“Listen Numbuh Two, I thought the inverse might work,” Numbuh One tried to explain. “What if we try to make Miss (l/n) so disgusted by Father that she breaks up with him and leaves?”

“Yeah, fat chance,” Numbuh Two dismissed the idea. “From what I’ve seen from the S.P.I.D.E.R, their relationship is pretty solid. I don’t think there’s anything we could do to break that.”

Numbuh One paused for a moment. “Tell me, Numbuh Two, would you change your mind if I told you I’ve seen what Father really looks like under those shadows?”

“Wait, really?” Numbuh Two inquired in disbelief.

“I haven’t told anyone yet because I figured it wasn’t that important, but it came to my mind when I thought about how Numbuh Three said girls like mysterious bad boys. Let me tell you, Numbuh Two, the man beneath those shadows is the complete opposite of that.”

“What does he look like?” Numbuh Two asked with excitement, eager to have an answer to a mystery that had been in the back of his head for a while.

“A complete dork!” Numbuh One replied, bursting into laughter. “I’m sorry, it’s just the funniest thing! He’s got these thick glasses and old man suspenders, I swear to- pfft!” his sentence devolved into senseless laughter. His cackling proved contagious as Numbuh Two joined in on the hysterics.

“Okay, okay, I’ll do it,” he changed his mind. “I mean, it’s a win-win. I get to see this disaster for myself and have the small possibility of getting Miss (y/n) out of the picture! Well, we’re going to need a plan. I assume the idea is that we reveal Father’s true self in front of her.”

Numbuh One nodded. “Precisely. I was thinking that we could somehow temporarily dispel the shadows surrounding him. While normally that would be incredibly impractical since it wouldn’t hinder his powers in any way, it works here because we’re only trying to create humiliation.”

Numbuh Two started rubbing his chin, attempting to come up with something that would be able to complete such a task. “Well, if he’s a shadow, you might think light would be his weakness, but that’s obviously not the case. He can be outside during summer at noon and still not be affected in the slightest. However, he is weak to cold things, which locks him out of his powers for a bit. However, the shadow stuff is likely an extension of his powers, so what if we stunned him with something cold, and then… Oh! I’ve got it! I can make a weapon that simultaneously fires a subzero ice blast alongside hyper intense light! That just might do it! The coldness will turn off all his other abilities, then the light will dissipate the shadows while he’s down!”

“Good thinking, Numbuh Two,” Numbuh One complimented. “When could do you think it could have it ready by? I’ll call a meeting once you have a working prototype.”

“Tomorrow,” Numbuh Two confidently replied. “I’ve got a pretty clear vision for this, so it won’t be long at all. It’ll be _snow_ problem!”

* * *

“They have a Villain Channel?” you inquired, puzzled at the existence of the programming in front of you. “Don’t you think that’s a bit niche?”

You and Father had just started snuggling on a couch watching some TV. Onscreen was a strange news program, which was the first thing that came on upon turning the TV on.

“It’s more useful than you’d think,” he replied. “I usually put on the villain news while I’m working.”

“Our head story for today…” began the newscaster. “Yesterday at the KND data leak seminar, KND enemy number one, Father, personally brought Miss (y/n), his children’s nanny and coordinator of the breach mission. When questioned about the relationship between two, both insisted it was mutually professional, but some speculate that his real feelings for her might be something much more scandalous. We’ve got our lifestyle editor, Philia Amourie, here to tell us more.”

“Wait, this is supposed to be news?” you questioned. “Seems like tabloid junk to me. And it’s about us too. That’s kind of surreal…”

“They usually don’t stoop this low…” he groaned.

“Could we change the channel then?” you requested. Your pleas were swiftly granted as Father handed you the remote. You scrolled through the channels until something caught your eye.

“Ooh! Rolf Whimsy’s _Spellphony_!” you cheered as you spotted one of your favorite films in the listings. The thoughts of unpleasant trash TV vanished as you watched the gorgeously animated creatures moving gracefully in time with the thundering classical music.

“You like cartoons?” Father asked you.

“Cartoons are art, Ben!” you replied with fervor. “And _Spellphony_ is one of the greatest artistic achievements of the past century! Every frame is its own Mona Lisa, arduously painted with only the finest craftsmanship! Calling this movie anything but a masterpiece is slander, and I will not tolerate that in my-“

Your passionate tirade was interrupted by a loud banging noise. You screamed and scrambled to your feet.

“What was that?” you said in shock.

Before you could even ponder what could have possibly made such a commotion, the Kids Next Door suddenly burst into the room.

“Hello, Miss (y/n),” Numbuh One snidely greeted. “Apologies for the ruckus, but we came here to show you something!”

Father quickly sprang into action. “You punks better get out of my house RIGHT NOW OR YOU’LL BE GOING HOME IN A STRETCHER!”

“Numbuh Two, fire the cannon,” Numbuh One commanded.

“You’ve got it!” Numbuh Two replied, pulling out a large handheld weapon.

* * *

**KIDS NEXT DOOR A.U.R.O.R.A-**  
**A** utomated  
**U** ltra  
**R** adiant  
**O** bject  
**R** uins  
**A** ffections

* * *

“You’re in for an _ice_ surprise!”

He began to charge it up. Bright lights of many colors began to glow at the muzzle. A second later, a frosty blast enveloped in a rainbow of colors was fired directly at Father. He attempted to counter it with a concentrated flame beam, but it was easily overpowered, and the frigid shot scored a direct hit on him. 

“Ben!” you gasped in horror.

The room became filled with steam, obscuring your vision. You desperately tried to make him out in the dense fog, to no avail. You started to fear for the worst. What if they evaporated him, extinguishing him until he was nothing put a pile of ash?

Gradually, the steam cleared. However, Father was gone. In his place was a scrawny, bespectacled man donned in suspenders. Upon seeing him, The Kids Next Door operatives let out roars of laughter.

“What did you do to him?” you demanded answers from them.

You got no response. They just kept on laughing.

The man groaned. His voice clearly wasn’t Father’s. It was a higher pitch and much less deep.

“What the…” he said, slowly gathering his bearings. He came to a realization of what just happened. “Oh no they didn’t…” he looked at you staring at him. “Augh! Don’t look at me, (y/n)!” He shielded his face with his hands.

“Miss (y/n), as you can see, this is what Father really looks like under all those shadows,” Numbuh One explained. “Contrary to what you may think, we don’t hate you. We might highly disagree with your methods, but you seem to genuinely care about kids. You didn’t even think twice about helping Numbuh Three fix her bike even though you knew she was the enemy. To show our thanks, we decided to let you see who Father really is, free of charge. He’s far from the man you thought he was, isn’t he? You fell for his peculiar charms, but in reality he’s just a sad dweeb, and frankly, you deserve someone much better than him, Miss (y/n).”

“Are you out of your mind?” you shouted in response. You took a greater look at Father. You gazed upon his true form until you came to an ultimate epiphany.

_“He’s cute.”_

He had a special bookish charm different to what you usually saw in him, but it was somehow still one and the same. It was like two separate courses of one meal: each a very different taste but still equally delicious.

You smiled and walked over to him and helped him up his feet.

“(y/n)…?” he muttered as his face reached your level.

“Listen to me…” you whispered to him. “They’re kids. If we make out, they’ll get grossed out and leave.”

Before you could get a response from him, he pounced, pulling in your head and locking his lips onto yours.

The Kids Next Door screamed in disgust.

“Eew!” Numbuh Five gagged. “Well this was a bust! Let’s get out of here before things get even mushier!”

With that, they scampered out of the room and out of the house.

With them gone, Father faced you again. He looked perturbed, his head hanging low.

“You…don’t mind?” he asked.

“Mind what?” you replied.

“Oh, don’t play dumb,” he sighed. “You thought the shadows made me look hot. You said it yourself when you confessed. You were right. Without them, I’m frankly a less than average-looking guy.”

“Hey, I think you’re pretty handsome regardless,” you assured him. You reached out and gently touched his cheek. “Plus, I’ve got a thing for nerds.”

“What?! I’m not a nerd!” he denied.

“Oh, you’ve definitely got that vibe,” you teased. You spread out your arms and embraced him. He felt different than he normally did. Gone was the strange hot-and-cold sensation. Now he was just simply warm. It felt more natural, more human, but still felt odd enough to know there was something strange about him. “Either way, however you feel most comfortable is fine with me, shadows or not.”

“Really?” he asked.

You felt the cold sensation suddenly return, and his voice returned to normal. “Good then.”

You released him from your hug, and you saw that he had reverted to his usual shadowy self.

“Huh, already?” you questioned. “Well, that’s not a problem. Say, why did your voice change anyway? Do your powers give you a really wide vocal range or something?”

“Nope,” he answered. “Shadows really mess with the acoustics of your voice. Even I don’t get it, but that’s just the way it is.”

You giggled. “Ben, I don’t think I’ve ever said this directly, but… I love you.”

There was silence for a moment. It felt strangely awkward. Was he going to say “I love you too”?

Instead, he grabbed you and pinned you down on the couch.

“I wasn’t finished,” he said dryly.

He kissed you again, but this time something was different. In your mouth, you felt something wet.

_His tongue._

Without hesitation, you loosened your jaw, allowing his tongue to completely invade your mouth. Your tongue caught his, wildly salivating in an attempt to devour it whole. You then felt his hands caress you, making multiple rounds around your chest.

You broke from the kiss for a moment. “Go ahead,” you invited. “Touch as much you want. I don’t care.”

“You’re getting a bit too excited,” he teased you. “I just wanted to surprise you with a bit of extra spice. We’re keeping it clean remember? Still, a bit of dust wouldn’t hurt…”

He slid his hands down your hips, his thumbs grazing the inner side of your legs. Your eyes stiffened in surprise, as you enjoyed him getting dangerously close to forbidden territory. He let go, then pulled you up into a sitting position, putting the two of you just as you were earlier.

“Thanks…” you sheepishly said to him. Secretly, you craved more, wishing to push the boundaries just a little bit further, but you knew it was best to stop there and then before things became too inappropriate. 

“Say, I never got a love you back,” you joked, poking him with your elbow. “Is this whole thing just one-sided now?”

He chuckled. “Honestly, I’m a bit scared to say it. I Guess part of me still lives in a lonely past where I never thought I’d ever get involved with a woman, but yes.”

“I love you, (y/n).”


	11. The Stars

“Oh! Look at this! There’s going to be a meteor shower in a few days!” you said gleefully, pointing at the front page of the paper. Beneath the large letters was an image of a beautiful starlight sky, with a frame-perfect shot of a brilliant streak of light jetting through the dark heavens.

“I’m already aware,” Father replied. “In fact, I’ve already got plans. There’s a really tall hill at the outskirts of town that should be perfect for sky-watching. Usually it’s too busy since there’s a skating rink there, but as luck would have it, it’s closed for renovations at the moment. I’ve got a convertible in the garage somewhere I can use. We could pull the roof down and prop back the seats so we could look up at the sky without having to get out of the car.”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea!” you responded. “We should bring the Delightful Children as well. It might be a bit past their bedtime, but I wouldn’t want them to miss out.”

“Geez, it’s like you’re already their mom,” he commented. “I’d rather make it a date and have it be just be the two of us. The Delightful Children can watch it from home on the roof.”

“You’d let them on the roof unattended!?” you questioned him. “Don’t you think that’s maybe a little unsafe? Even if Jenkins was there to accompany them, I don’t think he’s in the condition for that kind of stuff!”

“Trust me, they’ve been in much more hazardous places before and have been just fine,” he assured. “We’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Well, you’ve known your kids longer than I have…” you relented. “Alright. Just the two of us then.”

A thought suddenly crossed your mind.

“Oh, and if I hear that ‘the stars are beautiful but not as beautiful as you’ line, I will break you.”

Father let out a hearty laugh. “Likewise.”

* * *

“Looks like a bunch of people had the same idea we did,” you commented as you and Father pulled up to the hill.

The parking lot of the currently closed skating ring was decently populated with vehicles and lawn chairs. People all around were enjoying chats with their family and friends.

“I suspected we weren’t the only ones,” Father added. “Luckily, I came prepared.”

He popped open the glove compartment, revealing a small briefcase. He then unlocked it. It was filled to the brim with stacks of hundred dollar bills. He grabbed a stack in each hand, then exited the car.

“Hey everyone!” he loudly shouted, attracting the attention of all the stargazers.

“I’ll give a hundred bucks to anyone who goes to watch the meteor shower somewhere else!”

Everyone excitedly lined up to Father to receive their free Benjamin Franklin. 

“Why are you making them leave?” you demanded an answer from him. “They’re just as entitled to this spot as we are!”

“I’m not _making_ them leave!” he rebutted. “This is practically a charity! They get free money and we get this whole area to ourselves! It’s a win for everybody!”

You sighed in resignation as people poured in, swarming him in hopes of being next to receive the precious green. Soon, the parking lot emptied out, leaving only you and Father.

“Now, shall we then?” Father gestured to the vehicle.

The two of you climbed into the convertible. The top was down, completely exposing you to the air. You then adjusted your seat, straightening it as much as you could. Father did the same, creating a sort of makeshift bed for the two of you. You stared into the night sky, waiting for the first shooting star. It didn’t take long at all for a meteoroid to show itself, swiftly whizzing by, then disappearing almost instantly.

“Did you see that?” you asked him, pointing to where you saw it.

Father confirmed with an “Mmhm”.

“Did you make a wish?”

“Well, it won’t come true if I tell you!” he teased.

“I didn’t think you were the superstitious type!” you teased back. “I thought wishes come true with hard work and dedication. Telling me wouldn’t ruin anything. If anything, the chances only get better since we can work toward that wish together.”

Father reached down, taking hold of your hand.

“You might be right,” he responded. “Still, it’s hard to neglect such an old tradition. Better not risk it.”

You chuckled. “Oh come on, even if it’s true, there’ll be plenty of opportunities tonight to be able to wish it again. You can tell me, then undo the undoing when the next shooting star comes.”

He stubbornly shook his head. “Nope. Still not gonna.”

You gave him a playful punch. “I’m going to find out eventually, whether you tell me or not. I’ve studied psychology, you know. With enough time and observation, I’ll figure out exactly what your black, empty heart desires.”

“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” he replied. “I’ve got feelings too, you know? Why don’t we just go back to stargazing?”

You ceased your teasing, turning your eyes back to the sky.

“I’m going to get out and stretch for a few moments, if you don’t mind,” Father announced unprompted a few moments later.

“Sure, go ahead,” you granted without thought, continuing to scan the stars for sudden flashes.

Father got out of the car. You didn’t hear anything from him for a while. Must be a long stretch.

Suddenly, you heard his voice from fairly far away.

“(y/n), come out and see this!”

Puzzled, you sat up and looked out, seeing him at the opposite side of the parking lot. As fast as you could, you exited the vehicle and ran over there. As you approached him, you saw that he was holding something in his hand, and upon closer inspection, you saw that it was a meteorite about the size of a baseball.

“Whoa, that thing’s huge!” you said in amazement. “Where did you find it?”

“It was sitting under these bushes,” Father answered, pointing to some nearby foliage. “Oh, and get this: it opens up!”

He pulled up the top of the space rock, and it opened up just like a container.

“That’s freaky!” you reacted. “Is there anything in it? What if it’s some kind of alien device that’s disguised as a meteorite?”

“Hey, I thought I was supposed to be the superstitious one!” he teased you. “Not only that, you’re pretty gullible too. Well, not like that matters…”

He closed up the meteoroid. As it snapped back to being one, it made a very distinct and recognizable noise. It didn’t sound like two pieces of rock clunking together at all. Instead, it sounded like two magnets snapping together, muffled with thick cloth. As he started kneeling down, you instantly put two and two together.

“(y/n), I’ve always been a lonely man. I’d never given it much thought, seeing as I was too focused on securing this world for adultkind, but after I met you, I knew it was something about myself I couldn’t ignore anymore. You’ve helped me not only with my external struggles, but my inner ones as well. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner,and I love you with all my heart. So, (y/n)…”

He turned the meteorite around and opened it, revealing a dusk black ring topped with a bright orange diamond inside.

_**“…will you marry me?”** _

Just as he got those words past his lips, you embraced him.

“Yes! Yes! A million times yes!” you cried out in joy.

As tears of happiness began rolling down your cheeks, two shooting stars flashed through the sky, appearing and vanishing simultaneously.


	12. The Matriarch

“What do you mean we can’t invite anyone to the wedding?” you inquired.

“It’s for security reasons,” Father answered. “We need to keep he number of people who will know the place and time to a minimum. Every additional person we invite is another opportunity for the Kids Next Door to find out about the event and sabotage it.”

“Well, that makes sense…” you said dejectedly, but still understood the situation. “That being said, we still need a security force, and there’s no way we could push back on that. With that, I was thinking we could recruit some people we know to be guards. It would still be practical while making things less lonely.”

“That would be a good idea,” he replied. “But how many people do we know that we could trust in that position?”

“What about Cree?” you suggested. “We’ve confided in her before, and she’s got ample skills to make sure nothing goes wrong. It’d be the perfect gig for her.”

“Normally I’d agree with you, but Miss Lincoln comes with an additional risk,” he argued. “Her younger sister followed in her footsteps and is in the KND, even after Cree went Judas and left. If she notices what her older sister is up to, that’s an immediate lead right to us. Still, that might be easy to cover up with some extra protocol… then I don’t see why not. I’ll give her a call later.”

“Thank you, that would mean a lot,” you expressed your gratitude. You then looked down on your wrist to a watch you were wearing. “Well, it looks like the Delightful Children should be home any moment now. You ready to break the news?”

He nodded, then the two of you made your way towards the front of the house. A few minutes later, the limo pulled into the driveway and the Delightful Children emerged, not a bit wearied from their day at school. They opened the door to see you and Father waiting for them.

“Welcome back, my Delightful Children,” Father greeted them.

“Father and I have something to tell you,” you announced.

They eagerly looked at you. You smiled, knowing you were about to say what they’ve been waiting to hear for a very long time.

“It’s official. We’re getting married. You’re going to have a mother now.”

Upon hearing that, their faces beamed with joy.

“Oh, thank you! Thank you!” they cheered. They all hugged you at once, throwing you off guard with how many arms were suddenly wrapped around you. “So when is the wedding?”

“We’re not sure yet, but we want to have it as soon as we can,” Father answered. “Right now, we’re planning on having it at the Villain’s Wedding Chapel in Wyoming. It’s hidden in a dark forest far from the rest of civilization, perfect for evildoers like us to tie the knot without our nemeses finding us. We’re booking the wedding for the soonest day we can. We’ll let you know as soon as we get the word.”

“Ooh! Could we be the flower girls and ring bearers?” they asked with glee.

“Of course,” you replied with a chuckle. “I’m going to see a tailor next weekend. We’ll get everyone some nice dress clothes.”

“Oh, what joyous day!” they cheered. “Finally! We have a Father and a Mother!”

“Well, I do remember asking you not to call me that…” you noted. “But the title fits now. I don’t mind it anymore.”

“Ah… Mother…” they happily sighed. “It sounds so right to say…”

You looked at Father. You noticed that all the love and attention was being directed at you, with him getting practically none of it. You decided to take action.

“Hey, this is a two person effort you know! Don’t you have someone else to thank?”

They turned around and looked at Father.

“Yes, Father, thank you,” they finally gave him recognition. “You have given us a most wondrous gift. We shall cherish it forever.”

It was a completely different vibe between you and them versus him and them… Well, that was to be expected. Their history with you had been shorter and sweeter, so it was no surprise they behaved much more warmly towards you.

“Your appreciation is most welcome,” Father responded to them. “Now, Miss… no… _Mother_ and I need to do some more wedding planning, so you go keep yourselves occupied. Go attack the Kids Next Door or something."

With that, you parted with the Delightful Children as they went to look for any nefarious gadgetry they could use for their assault. You then started following Father through the halls, when you suddenly realized that you weren’t heading towards the office where you were making plans together earlier.

“Hey, are you sure we’re not going the wrong way?” you asked him.

“Actually, I’ve got something a bit different in mind,” he replied. “There’s something I’ve wondered for a long time now, and I thought you might be able to help me answer it.”

“Really? What would that be?” you inquired.

“You’ll see,” he vaguely replied. 

He opened a door that lead to a fleet of downward stairs.

“The basement?” you wondered. “I don’t think I’ve ever been down here.”

“My private room is down here, or as I like to call it, my inner sanctum,” he said. “Normally I don’t allow anyone else in there, but starting today, I’ll say you’re the one exception.”

“Is there… a reason only you’re allowed in that room?” you asked, a bit concerned why he would be so secretive about a room.

“It’s just the quietest place in the whole mansion,” he answered. “I go there when I frankly just don’t want to be bothered.”

The two of you walked down the stairs and into the restricted room. The first thing you noticed about it was its decor. It had a very visually distinct look not found anywhere else in the mansion, with a colorful, retro look. The main attraction was a large window that took up a large chunk of the wall that gave a good view of the outside. Father sat down on a couch, beckoning you towards him. You followed his order, situating yourself right next to him.

“Now, I want you relax and close your eyes,” he instructed.

Upon shutting your eyes, you felt Father grab onto your arm. After a few moments, you felt a chill creep across your whole body, spreading down your legs and up into your head and face.

“Alright, you can open your eyes now.”

You opened your eyes, and saw that nothing was different.

“What? I don’t get it.” you asked, incredibly confused.

But something was off. It was not your voice that had just came out of your mouth. It was deeper and more mature, like you were a completely different person. Father then held up a handheld mirror at you. You saw that you had been completely enveloped in a silhouette, just like him.

“Holy crap…” you reacted, rubbing your now indistinguishable face to confirm that it was in fact yours.

“I’ve put shadows on a few items and accessories before,” Father explained. “My pipe, some hats… even when they’re not physically attached to me, they still keep the shadow. I’ve always wondered if I could do it on another human being. I figured you’d be the perfect test subject. It’ll be just like how the Delightful Children say: we’ll have a Mother to go along with Father.

“Wow, that’s pretty neat…” you complimented. “But could you take it off now? It’s pretty cold in here.”

“Oh, already?” Father asked, puzzled. “I figured you’d want to have it on longer. I thought you’d like us matching.”

“It’s kinda cute, but it definitely fits you more than me,” you replied. “If we were against the KND together, it might help with some intimidation, but then again, it’s not like I’m very scary to begin with. I’m sorry.”

“No worries,” he responded. “I won’t make you wear it if you don’t want to. Mother should have her own identity.” He grabbed onto the shadow surrounding you and ripped it away as if it were made of paper, exposing yourself to the light once more. The shadows that were once attached to you dissolved in Father's hands. 

“Thank you,” you said in your normal voice. “Say instead, when I go to the tailor, I could get something commissioned. It could be something that actually reflects my personality, and ooh! I could make it so it visually compliments you too, so we could still match!”

“That might be nice,” he replied. “Maybe you could set a trend of villainesses in dresses. The others could learn a thing about style from you.”

You giggled. “Oh stop, you’re making me blush. I hardly think I could be considered a fashion icon. Well, I guess that could change… Well then, I need to get to sketching some ideas. See you at dinner.”

* * *

“What kind of cake are having for the wedding?” Father asked you as he searched the kitchen for baking supplies. He had taken it upon himself to bake the wedding cake, and was taking inventory for how much needed to be bought.

“I’d like vanilla,” you replied.

“I was thinking chocolate, honestly,” he countered.

“How about marble then?” you suggested a compromise.

“Fair enough. Could you do me a favor and run to the grocery store and grab me some ingredients? I’ll make you a list.”

“Will do,” you accepted. “I’m heading to the tailor shop in the meantime. I know there’s a store on the way there I can stop at.”

Father jotted down some items on a small slip of paper and handed it to you.

With that, you left, hopped into your car, and drove into town.

Eventually, you reached a small grocery store. It was nowhere as big as the Villain’s Supermarket frequented by the residents of the Delightful Mansion, but it would suffice perfectly. You went inside, scanning the isles until you saw what you needed. As you started leaving after gathering everything, you stopped for a moment. There was a familiar-looking man near the meat section. It was Monty, picking out some sausage for tonight’s dinner. You decided to be friendly and approach him.

“Hello, Monty,” you greeted him.

He turned around, looking very surprised and happy to see you. “My, if it isn’t (y/n)! Fancy meeting you here! Tell me, how are you and Ben doing?”

“Well, I don’t know if you know this yet…” you started to reply. “But Ben and I are getting married.”

Monty looked shocked. “What? You and him…? Why that’s incredible! He always insisted he’d never fall in love, but I knew he’d come around to it! Say, when’s the wedding? I must take the day off to attend!”

“We…still don’t know yet,” you lied. In reality, you had locked in a date yesterday, but you knew you couldn’t tell Monty that. Nigel would inevitably hear about it from him and the whole operation would be ruined.

“Well, just let me know whenever you’ve got the day,” he replied. “Say, you should all come over for dinner next weekend! My wife would be delighted to find out I have a new sister-in-law! In fact, I’ve told her all about you already from when we first met! I think you two would get along quite nicely.”

“I would like that very much,” you said. “I’ll just have to check with Ben. I think it would be a wonderful bonding moment for both our families.”

“Jolly good!” He cheered. “I’ll see you later then.”

* * *

“What do you mean you told him about the wedding!?” Father angrily asked you.

“Hey, I just said that we were getting married, not when!” you defended yourself. “Plus, I think he deserves to know that his brother is getting married!”

“Even worse: you accepted his little invitation!” he added. “Come on, _do we have to go_?”

“Look at it this way: his house is the location of the KND treehouse. If it goes well, they’ll want to invite us back, and from there we’ll gain a valuable vantage point against the Kids Next Door. Oh, and there’ll be food. That too.”

“Fine,” he reluctantly relented with a loud groan. “We’ll go. I’ll let him know we’re coming. But I warn you, I will not enjoy a single moment of any of it!”


	13. The In-Laws

“Now I’ll say this once, and only once,” you started to say to the Delightful Children. “We are not here to cause trouble, at least not today. We are here for a good time with your aunt, uncle, and cousin, and that’s it. Maybe if you all stay on your best behavior, we might get invited back, and then we can have our little assault. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Mother…” they responded in monotone.

You were pulling into the driveway of the other Uno household, alternatively known as the location of the KND Sector V Treehouse base. As you got out of the car, you looked skyward to the massive treehouse. You felt a temptation of purpose call you to take arms against it, but you knew it wasn’t the time. You leveled your head, focusing on the home itself, making your way towards the front door. Father and the Delightful Children followed behind you. As they caught up with you, you gently knocked the door. It was quickly answered by Monty, who looked overjoyed at the arrival of his guests.

“Ah! You’re just on time!” he cheered. “Come in! Come in!”

He herded you towards the dining room, where Mrs. Uno was starting to carry in the supper’s dishes from the kitchen.

“Oh, they’re here!” she said upon noticing the party. After setting down the plate of corn-on-the-cobs she was carrying, she approached Father and gave him a handshake. “It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it?” She then turned towards the Delightful Children. “And these are yours? My, what lovely children!”

“Thank you, Mrs. Uno,” they all replied.

“My, they’re so polite!” Finally, she turned towards you and gave a handshake. “You’re (y/n), right?”

You nodded.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you! My, your dress is beautiful! Where did you get it?”

You were wearing the dress you had just recently commissioned. It was white, short and sleeveless with white and green floral pattern. It gave off a distinct fifties housewife look. You had specifically picked the white and green colors to contrast Father’s black and red. The final results satisfied you greatly. It somehow made you feel even closer to him.

“It’s custom!” you answered. “I can hook you up with the tailor shop I got it done at if you’d like.”

“Yes, please do later,” she replied. “But for now, please sit down! I’m almost done with the chicken!”

As you all took seats around the table, Monty started looking around the room nervously.

“Say, where is Nigel?” he asked. “He promised to be here! Excuse me for a moment…”

As soon as Monty left and Mrs. Uno returned to the kitchen, Father chucked.

“Numbuh One is trying to avoid us!” he said. “Maybe this won’t be so bad after all…”

You gave him a stern look. “You know what, I don’t care if he’s on the opposite side of this war! I’m going to be the best aunt-to-be I can for him.”

“What!?” the Delightful Children gasped. “He is our enemy, Mother! You should only be loathing him with all your heart!”

“I don’t care how many times you pull the enemy card on me!” you angrily replied. “I’m out here doing what’s best for all kids, and that includes my own nephew, regardless if he’s at ideological odds with me or not. I can’t force you guys or Father to like him, but I’m my own person, and I’m sticking to my own guns.”

“Good luck then,” Father sarcastically responded. “Children are stubborn creatures, Nigel especially. You can try, but you’ll see soon enough that he’s beyond reasoning with.”

“You know, maybe I will,” you conceded. “But never say never. If he pushes me away, so be it. At least I’d still be able to say I took the chance.”

Shortly after, Mrs. Uno came back holding a large, piping hot chicken on a big platter.

“I heard you were all talking about something from the other room, but I couldn’t make it out,” she commented.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Father responded. “It was nothing of importance.”

* * *

“But dad, we can’t have dinner with them!” Nigel protested, refusing to leave his room. “They’re only after the treehouse! You can’t just let them into our house all willy-nilly! If they happen to break in again, it’ll be all your fault!”

“Oh come now Nigel, they’re our family!” Monty sighed. “Your uncle is getting married, and the lady who’s going to be your aunt is a very nice lady, and she’s looking forward to meeting you very much! Plus, you’ve never even met your cousins! Perhaps they’d like to play with you after dinner!”

“I don’t care how nice Miss (y/n) is!” Nigel replied. “If she’s with Fath-err… I mean, Uncle Ben… then she’s clearly up to no good. As for my _cousins_ , they’re the last people on this planet who’d ever want to spend time with me. Trust me, I already know them, and they’re among the top enemies of the KND!”

“Well, uh, maybe if you come down to dinner, you’d be able to uh, watch them, make sure they don’t invade your treehouse, or something like that,” Monty suggested.

“Fine. You do make a valid point…” Nigel gave in. He then followed his dad, sulking down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Well if it isn’t Nigel Uno!” Father said upon noticing his entrance. “Join us, why don't you?”

“Why don’t you sit next to Auntie (y/n)?” Monty nudged him on.

Nigel scowled, taking a vacant seat next to yours.

“Look, just ignore whatever they say,” you whispered into his ear. “I don’t know about them, but I’m here because I genuinely want to spend time with you and your family. Don’t forget that, okay?”

Numbuh One was very surprised. “But…why?” he whispered back. “I’ve openly tried to ruin your life and you know it. I know you’re really just here to access the treehouse. There’s no way you aren’t lying.”

“Look, can we talk about this later?” you requested. “They’re already not happy that I’m sympathizing with you, so let’s just try to at least pretend to enjoy each other’s company. Plus, you might be in trouble if your parents catch you in a sour mood around your relatives.”

Nigel groaned, but he seemed to understand your point, repositioning himself to appear more amicable. It was perfectly timed, as Monty took his seat right next to him.

“Now that’s a much better attitude,” he applauded.

Mrs. Uno came in with the final course: a large bowl of creamy mashed potatoes.

“That’s everything!” she announced. “Feel free to help yourselves!”

Everyone started piling food on their plates. After everyone had obtained their portions, discussions began to take root at the table.

“Well, it’s really weird to think that there’s going to be two Mrs. Unos around here now huh?” Mrs. Uno noted.

You laughed. “Yeah, you’re right about that. Imagine people getting us mixed up. That would be pretty funny.”

She giggled. “My, you’re right. That would get a good chuckle out of me. Say, this is the first chance I've had to talk to my dear nieces and nephews! How are you doing, sweethearts?”

“We are doing very well today,” they replied. “We are very grateful for you inviting us.”

“Aww, you all speak so nicely together!" she complimented them. "How adorable!”

Nigel looked like he was resisting the urge to gag.

“What’s with the face?” Father taunted him upon noticing his expression. “Don’t like the corn? It’s high in fiber, you know? Good for digestion.”

“He’s right, you know,” Monty added. “I know you don’t like vegetables very much, but you’re a growing boy. You need every nutrient you can get!”

Numbuh One was clearly close to losing it, but miraculously, he kept his rage in line, keeping up his calm facade.

The rest of the conversations went similarly. You and Mrs. Uno exchanged small talk, Monty would occasionally chime in, the Delightful Children would politely respond when spoken to, and Father would say something snarky whenever Nigel’s true thoughts would start to show. After dinner, Monty proposed the family play some games together. His nomination was Sketcharades, America’s favorite drawing guessing game. You and the Delightful Children were down for it, and Father tolerated the decision. As you all headed to the living room, you stayed back, and tapped Nigel’s shoulder as he passed by.

“When it’s neither of our turns, we’ll both get up and say we’re getting drinks,” you told him. “We can talk then.”

He gave you a simple understanding nod, and you two joined up with the rest of the family. Upon everyone settling down, Monty divided the group into teams. He insisted that he teamed with Father, citing a memory of stomping the competition at their visit to Pappy’s nursing home several years ago. Father initially protested, claiming that arthritis ridden seniors were hardly a challenge for anyone, but Monty kept egging him on, so he relented to shut him up. Mrs. Uno teamed with the Delightful Children, who of course wished to stay together. Finally, that left you and Nigel, which made things a bit more convenient for when you were to briefly desert.

As you played, you realized that Monty was right: he and Father made a pretty good Sketcharades team. Father was a surprisingly talented artist, speedily rendering images that were instantly recognized by Monty. While Monty wasn’t as good at drawing, Father helped pick up the slack by making very good guesses. They were absolutely dominating the game, with their team’s piece blazing across the game board, leaving everyone else far behind. After you and Nigel took a turn, you both slipped out, telling the others that you were grabbing some drinks as promised. The two of you walked to another room where you wouldn’t be heard.

“Miss (y/n), why do you want to marry Father of all people?” he asked you in complete bewilderment. “You might both want to take us down, but it’s for completely different reasons! You want to do it because you love kids, but he wants to do it because he hates children and wants us completely under the heels of the adults! I don’t want you in my family not because of you, but because of who you’ve aligned yourself with. Frankly, I… don’t want to hate you, and even when I do, you still want me in your life. You don’t treat me like I’m your archenemy like Father or the Delightful Children, but like… we’re actually family… and I just don’t understand.”

“Look, love and relationships work in weird ways,” you tried to explain to him. “I’m sure one day you’ll find yourself connecting with someone you find at odds with on some things one day.”

A grumpy look crossed his face, indicating that ‘someday’ had in fact already come.

“All I’m asking is that you don’t just totally shut me out,” you asked of him. “I know that’s a tall order, but I do care about you. Family looks out for each other. I’m on a mission to stop the KND because it’s what I believe will make a better world for you and others. Disagree and try to stop me all you want. I won’t mind, because that’s a cause you believe in, and that’s not something I can do anything about if you’re not willing to change your mind. Our conflicting values shouldn’t have to keep us from just being family.”

“I’m sorry, but you’re wrong,” he refuted. “Past examples show that just isn’t possible. You cannot be trusted. I cannot see you any differently than I do Father. You are as much a part of him as he is a part of you. Before, you only had your little essay. Your words may have offended us, but you had little ways of actually harming us. Then, when you met Father, he militarized you, put you on the front lines, a position you gladly accepted. That is when you crossed the line of forgiveness. You are an active enemy now, something you can never change. You might try and be a friendly foe, but that is oxymoronic. You are my enemy, and nothing more. It might be regrettable that I must face against you, but I will not hesitate to do so for a second. We are done here.”

“IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT AN ANTEATER?” you heard Father yell from across the house. “IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ITS SNOUT? IT LOOKS LIKE A BLOW DRYER! HOW WAS I EVER SUPPOSED TO GET THAT?”

“I guess we are…” you replied in defeat. “It’s our turn next anyway…”

You sighed, and you made your way back to the living room with Nigel.

 _“I’m sorry, Nigel,”_ you thought. _“I tried to reach out to you, but it seems it’s all for naught. Maybe when the KND’s iron grasp on the minds of the youth is finally let loose, you’ll realize what you’re standing for is a societal poison, and once you see that, maybe we can all be a be a real family for once…”_


	14. The Wedding

INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM BASE…

UPDATING MISSION STATUS…

MISSION STATUS: COMPLETE. RETURN TO BASE IMMEDIATELY.

Upon receiving its command, the small mechanical arachnid began to crawl off its artificial web and down the walls, then onto the floor where it scurried past two individuals completely oblivious to its presence. After making its way past them, it vanished under the door, and any chance of those two people noticing it in their home was gone.

* * *

“So, how do I look?” you asked Father, donned in your billowing bright white wedding dress.

“Just as I pictured it,” he replied. He himself was wearing his wedding attire: a shadowy suit layered over his already-existing shadow suit. It took a moment to notice, but it was fairly easy to make out its outline.

The day of the wedding had finally arrived, and you couldn’t be more nervous. You had spent hours grooming yourself to perfection, even though you knew there would be very few people at the ceremony. Still, you wanted to look your best for him, so hearing such high praises from him was a massive relief.

“Thank you,” you said to him. “I finished just in time too. We should be heading outside now. Cree should be here any minute.”

You had designated Cree as the couple’s official escort to the Villain’s Chapel. Everyone else, namely the Delightful Children, had already traveled with the rest of the security squad, who were all awaiting your arrival. Father nodded, and the two of you exited the house. It felt like only seconds after when a flying vehicle descended onto the front yard. As it slowly came to a stop on the grass, a hissing sound was heard, and the door swung open, revealing Cree in her battle ready armor. 

“Check it out!” she said. “I just got this bad boy from Villain Rentals! It’s capable of space travel and everything! With this, we’ll reach our destination in no time!”

She pressed a button on the dashboard, causing another hissing sound to be heard and another door to open. Inside was a long seat perfect for just the two of you.

“Come on, hop in!”

You did just as she said, entering the craft. As everyone situated themselves in, Cree started flicking some switches, turning on the ignition and activating the thrusters.

“Next stop, Wyoming!”

The craft began to hover before blasting off into the sky, accelerating at blinding speeds. You were unprepared for the sudden burst of speed, so you let out a shrill scream and latched onto Father instinctively. Upon seeing your terrified expression, he let out a hearty chuckle.

“This is your first time riding in one of these things isn’t it?” he said. “Well, it’s a good thing this suit isn’t made of actual fabric, or I would have to go do some emergency ironing.”

As the vehicle stopped accelerating after reaching top speed, your fear vanished, replacing itself with senseless laughter. The three of you joked about your little moment you just had. As the conversation was winding down, Cree started making some inputs on the dashboard.

“Looks like we’ll be landing very shortly,” she announced.

“Already?” you asked in disbelief. You looked out the window to your side and saw she wasn’t lying. Below you was a massive sea of green trees, with nothing but wilderness to be seen for miles. As the craft went lower and lower, you slowly started to make out the earth below the dense canopies. Cree set the vehicle into park, and it landed with a light thud. As the doors hissed open, you found yourself surrounded by the security force. One of the force members stepped forward. He had a different uniform than the others, so you assumed he was the captain.

“You’re finally here,” he greeted. “The chapel staff is waiting for you in the reception hall. Once you check in with them, they’ll be able to get the ceremony started.”

They cleared the way, forming a path for you to walk to the facility. It took you a few seconds to find it, but you could make out a structure surrounded in camouflaging foliage. 

“Well, this is it,” Father said. He took hold of your gloved hand. “Let’s go.”

He led you through the crowd and into the well-hidden building. As you entered, you found yourself in complete shock. The interior was a night-and-day difference to the bunker-like outside. It was ornately decorated with fancy-looking furnishings. You almost forgot that it was just a mere lobby. You continued to follow Father into an opening in the side wall that led into the reception hall. It was a very large room, filled with tables on one side and a large open dance floor on the other. In the back of the table area, you could spot the wedding cake Father made and all the other wonderful things you would be eating at the reception. On the other side was the staff there waiting for you, just as the security captain had said. Also there were the Delightful Children, with the girls wearing their custom-sewn flower girl dresses and the boys wearing their ring bearer suits. They noticed you immediately and ran up to you.

“You two look simply magnificent!” they complimented. “Now come! The priest wishes to speak with you!” They grabbed onto the both of you and dragged you towards the priest. “Mister Priest, sir! The bride and groom are here!”

“Ah, perfect timing,” the priest said. “We’ll get set up in the chapel then. It shouldn’t be long until everything is in order. We’ll send someone when you’re due to come in.”

With that, the staff left the room. True to their word, not long after, someone came to call you, Father, and the Delightful Children to the chapel. You returned to the lobby and made your way to the site of the ceremony. As the double doors opened and revealed the chapel, you had to do a double take. It was breathtaking, something right out of the Baroque period, with every square inch being adorned with some kind of elaborate decoration. The two doormen gave baskets of flowers to the female Delightful Children.

“Just as we practiced,” one of the doormen told them.

With that, they started skipping happily down the aisle, throwing petals all over the place. The musicians began to play a wedding march, completing the momentous atmosphere. Then, the other doorman looked at you.

“You’re up,” he said. “Best of luck to you two.” He then handed you your bouquet, a beautiful arrangement with black and white flowers.

You nervously looked at Father and flashed him a shy smile. He nodded back, then you took your first steps into the chapel. As you passed the empty pews, you felt a strange feeling in your stomach. Never would you have thought your wedding be so empty, devoid of anyone you knew. It would be very weird to tell your parents that you got married and didn’t invite them. Maybe you could have a fake wedding sometime later and invite them, Monty, his wife, and everyone else who would have loved to come. You should ask Father about that sometime… As you thought of him, you turned your gaze away from the altar and to him. Some of that strange feeling died down. What really mattered was him. You could be married in the middle of the desert as far as you cared as long as he was there. As you reached the altar, the ceremony officially began.

“Dearly beloved…” the priest started with the classic line. As he spoke the introductions and began the readings, you tried your best to pay attention, but the nervousness inside you overtook your thoughts, making you catch only every other word or so. The anxiety lingered long into the ceremony, but finally relented when the time for the vows came. The priest read the traditional vows, then asked the binding question:

“Do you, Father, take (y/n) as your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” he replied.

“And do you, (y/n), take him as your lawfully wedded husband?”

You put on the brightest smile you could possibly muster. “I do.”

“If anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

“Oh, we object alright!” came a voice from the entrance. It was Numbuh Five of the Kids Next Door, with Numbuh Four at her side. In utter shock, you dropped your flowers. With your fingers free of the bouquet they clenched in raw anger.

“You…” you muttered.

“WHAT!?” Father shouted loudly. “HOW DID YOU KNOW WHERE OUR WEDDING WOULD BE?”

“Let’s just say an itsy bitsy spider told us…” Numbuh Five replied with a sly smile.

They sprinted up the aisle, but were intercepted by the Delightful Children.

“We won’t let you stop Father’s wedding!” they said with determination.

“Eat some of this, you Delightful Dorks!” Numbuh Four taunted. He pulled out some kind of jump rope. He twirled it around, causing it to greatly extend in length.

* * *

**KIDS NEXT DOOR S.K.I.P.P.U.H.-**  
**S** peedy  
**K** nots  
**I** mmobilize  
**P** ersons  
**P** roviding  
**U** seful  
**H** indrance

* * *

He then whipped it at the Delightful Children. It wrapped around them, completely entangling them, restricting their movement. They tried to break free from it to no avail. Once they were out of the picture, Numbuh Four pulled out a strange-looking weapon, the most defining feature being a blender protruding from the top. Numbuh Four aimed it at Father and pulled the trigger. An icy blast fired out from the weapon. You quickly realized that he was trying to disarm Father before he had a chance to counterattack. However, the shot missed him and hit the poor priest instead, freezing him solid.

“Oops…” Numbuh Four reacted.

Before he had the chance to shoot again, Father had sprung into action, completely aflame and ready to fight. However, Numbuh Four was doing a good job of keeping him at bay, using his freeze ray to negate his fire and dodging everything that he couldn’t block. You yourself had no idea what to do but stay out of the crossfire. You couldn’t try to escape the chapel, because if the KND was able to infiltrate the venue, then there was no way the other KND members wouldn’t be waiting outside to stop you. Unfortunately, staying put was the wrong move as Numbuh Five snuck in and hit you with a low kick, causing you to trip and fall. You pulled yourself up just in time to avoid being struck again. As you towered over the girl, you found yourself faced with a moral dilemma.

_“Am I above punching a child?”_ you thought. But then you thought again how these punks tried several times to sabotage your relationship with Father, all up to ruining your wedding.

_“No. No I am not.”_

You threw out a punch, but it Numbuh Five blocked it in a way that felt very familiar.

“Cree taught you to fight, didn’t she?” she asked. “Of course I would know. She’s my sister, and she taught me everything she knows.”

_“So that’s the sister he mentioned… Of course it’s her that fights me of all people…”_

As you were wide open from your previous swing, Numbuh Five performed another low kick. She aimed a bit too high and was unable to trip you again, but it still hurt, leaving you writhing in pain. As you were stunned trying to recover, she pulled out a rope identical to the one Numbuh Four used to subdue the Delightful Children. She whipped it at you, and it wrapped around you incredibly tightly. As you were unable to move your legs, you fell to the ground. Squirming out was not an option, since the rope was so tight that you couldn’t budge any of your limbs even a bit. You knew you were powerless to escape on your own.

“Ben!” you cried out in hopes of getting his attention.

He noticed you, but calling out to him proved to be a mistake as you broke his concentration, letting Numbuh Four score a direct hit, completely freezing Father.

“Hurry, before he thaws out!” Numbuh Five shouted to Numbuh Four.

The short blonde boy nodded and ran up to her. Then, the two of them combined their strength to drag away your immobile body by pulling at some of the rope on your back.

“What are you doing?” you yelled. “Let go of me right now!”

They quickly hauled you out of the chapel, then continued their way outside. There, you saw how they had gotten in: the entire security force, including Cree, had either been frozen or tied up with one of the rope gadgets. You then felt yourself being pulled into some kind of vehicle, which you couldn’t see as you were incapable of turning around. The door in front of you then shut, and you felt the vehicle take off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering how Father's suit would look, just look at his Fusionfall design. Shutouts to Fusionfall artist Midori Foo for somehow making Father even hotter.
> 
> So next chapter is going to be the big action-packed and drama-filled finale. I suppose this would be the time to thank all my readers once again. The sheer amount of love from all of you who have commented, dropped a kudo or bookmarked the work is incredible, and God bless you all! I was really surprised at the relative scarcity of Father in KND fanfics, both on AO3 and FFN. He always seemed to be among the fan favorites, but in reality it was the operatives who got a lot of the spotlight. Well, they say be the change you want in the world, so that's what I did. Now, I'm unsure if the fic blew up because of my actual writing skills or I was just giving the people what they really wanted, but I would like to think it's both lol.


	15. Operation: P.R.I.N.C.E.S.S.

**NOW LOADING: KIDS NEXT DOOR OPERATION: P.R.I.N.C.E.S.S.-**

**P** risoner  
 **R** escued  
 **I** nstantly  
 **N** egating  
 **C** omprehensive  
 **E** fforts  
 **S** ettling  
 **S** truggles

* * *

“No! Stop!” the Delightful Children yelled in despair as their new mother was being taken away from them in front of their very eyes. They were powerless to stop them. They struggled even harder, but it was evident that the Kids Next Door had made quite an excellent constraint. Eventually, they had run out of strength, and they laid listlessly on the ground. They had given up. There was nothing they could do. Suddenly, they felt something wet on the floor. They looked up and saw that the ice encasing Father was shaking violently. Streams of water were flowing from it, and not a moment later, those streams became gushing rivers. Father had thawed out, and the ice that once surrounded him instantly evaporated into a scalding steam. He was beyond furious, at a point of rage he had seldom reached in his entire life.

“HOW…DARE THEY!” he yelled.

With that, he stormed out of the building.

Desperate to keep up with him, the Delightful Children noticed a glowing ember he had left in his trail. Slowly, they used whatever body parts that weren’t tied up to inch over to it and carefully put themselves over it. It singed the rope, allowing them to finally break free. They scrambled to their feet as fast as they could to avoid being burned, then followed him outside. Once they got there, they saw him berating a tied up security guard.

“HOW DID YOU LET THEM GET IN?” he yelled. “HOW DID A BUNCH OF KIDS TAKE DOWN AN ENTIRE SQUADRON OF HIGHLY TRAINED PROFESSIONALS? THOSE KIDS TOOK MY WIFE, AND IT’S ALL THANKS TO YOU INCOMPETENT MORONS!”

“Look Father, we don’t have time for this!” Cree said. “I can tell exactly where they went, and if we don’t hurry, we won’t be able to catch them in time!”

He stopped still for a moment, seemingly coming to his senses.

“The Moonbase, right?” he asked.

Cree nodded. “Get me out of this thing and I’ll get the shuttle started.”

Father then freed her from the rope. They then walked together to the vehicle to start the rescue mission. As they were getting in, the Delightful Children rushed up to them.

“Father! Let us come save Mother with you!” they pleaded.

“We don’t have enough room in the ship,” he replied. “You’re staying right here, and you’re going to clean up this mess as much as you can for when (y/n) and I come back so we can finish that wedding!”

With that, he entered the craft, and Cree pushed the button to close the door. The Delightful Children looked downtrodden, but inside, a spark of hope began to glow within them as they saw the vehicle take off into the sky, headed for the stars above.

“Those Kids Next Door…” they muttered.

“Show them no mercy, Father.”

* * *

“Wha-what’s going on?” you had stammered before being thrust by gravity to the back of the strange vehicle you were in, causing you to hit it forcefully. You let out a moan of pain, struggling to lift your eyelids as you winced hard. The force subsided as the vehicle reached a constant speed. If you weren’t all tied up, you’d probably be able to stand at this point. As your vision stabilized, you spotted all the operatives One through Five, and you started to understand your situation. You were in some sort of flying vehicle belonging to the KND.

“What… what are you doing with me?” you demanded answers.

Numbuh One simply stood there with a smirk. “Don’t worry, Auntie (y/n), we’re just taking you for a little ride. In due time, we’ll put you right back where we found you and you and Father can finish your wedding.”

“Then what is the meaning of this?” you inquired.

“You’ve been surprisingly nice to us, so we’ll tell you!” Numbuh Three said. “We’re going to use you as bait to lure Father out to the Moonbase, then we’ll take him to the Decommissioning Chambers and wipe away all those yucky mean thoughts of his!”

“You’ll WHAT!?” you screamed. “If any of you touch a single neuron of his, I’ll…”

“Relax, we’ll make sure he still remembers you and your relationship with him,” Numbuh One interrupted you. “All we’re going to do is make him forget everything he knows about the KND and how to use his powers, just like his own father before him! If anything, we’re doing you a favor! We can make it so he loves kids just like you! We can eliminate everything about him that you don’t like about him, and the ideal spouse will be yours.”

You had no words, sitting there in utter silence. Then, a wave of rage consumed your body and you finally found what to say.

“That gives you no right!” you shouted. “Messing with someone’s mind like that is just wrong!”

“So what?” Numbuh One rebutted. “Father did the exact same thing to the Delightful Children, and now it’s wrong that we’re doing it?”

“I know, he told me that…” you admitted. “But it was wrong then and it’s wrong now! I made him promise to me that he would never do anything like that again!”

“Sure he won’t…” Numbuh Five sarcastically replied.

“Yeah, he’s just lying to make himself look like a better guy than he actually is in front of you!” Numbuh Four added.

“Like you know him any better!” you contended.

“Hey, could you all simmer down for a moment?” Numbuh Two suddenly interjected. “We’re going to be landing soon, and I need to concentrate!”

With that, everyone went silent, all brooding in their angry thoughts, until the vehicle came to a stop.

“This is one of our new prisoner transport ships,” Numbuh Two explained. “Until we are finished with Father, you’ll be staying here.”

Numbuh Five came up to you and loosened the rope around you somewhat, allowing you to at least stand up and walk. After the door opened, she led you out of the vehicle. As you exited, your eyes widened in disbelief.

_“This prisoner transport ship…is in space!?”_

The dark cosmos surrounded you from every direction. The only ground around was the prisoner ship itself. Its entrance was a massive gap multiple stories tall, facing open-aired to the void. You were baffled at how you were still alive. Was there some sort of air lock keeping in an atmosphere somehow? From the entrance, you could see a row of jail cells lining the wall. They were empty, but there was a group of uniformed kids guarding them. As Numbuh Five took you inside the ship, one of them unlocked the first cell and opened it. After setting foot in it with you, Numbuh Five finally untangled the rest of the rope.

“If you’re in here you won’t need this anymore!” she chuckled.

She then exited the cell, locking you inside it. She nodded to the guards, then went back to the vehicle, which you were finally able to see. It seemed to resemble a camper. Attached in the back were propulsion jets decorated to look like airplanes. The whole thing looked clunky and not very practical, but you knew better than to judge it seeing how it was able to bring you from Earth to space. After Numbuh Five entered it and closed its door, the strange machine took off, flying into the distance and out of your sight. It took a moment for the reality of your situation to sink in. You were in a jail cell. Never in your life had you been in one, nor had you ever thought you would be in one. You rattled the bars, hoping those kids would be dumb enough to construct them with paper towel rolls and glue or something equally flimsy, but your hands felt nothing but cold, hard metal. You despaired, sulking down to the floor. The guards paid you no attention, simply continuing their patrol. The only thing left you could really do was to look at the stars outside. Even if you were supposed to be imprisoned at the moment, the view was simply beautiful. You were instantly reminded of the night you got engaged, and a pain began to swell within you.

_“If only he were here,”_ you thought. _“Because the next time I see him, he’s not going to be the same person…”_

Suddenly, there was a flash across the cosmos.

_“A shooting star? Make a wish…”_

Then you realized something was wrong.

_“Wait, shooting stars are from stuff burning up in the atmosphere, and we’re in the middle of space…”_

_“And it’s coming straight at us!”_

The light crashed onto the landing dock in front of the entrance. As you got a better look, you saw the light was actually a raging blaze, and at the center of it was one very angry man.

“Ben!” you shouted with glee, an ecstatic relief filling your entire being. 

The guards recoiled from the wave of heat being emitted from their furious foe.

“Kids Next Door, battle stations!” one of them yelled, and they all ran at him, odd weapons in hand.

Father had no issue dispatching them, creating walls of fire to block out a path leading straight to your cell. Unless they were willing to get serious burns, there was nothing the guards could do to intervene, so they stood hopelessly as Father waltzed right up to your cell and melted away the bars with ease. You grabbed his hand and you both made a mad dash to the entrance. He looked around anxiously, as if something was missing.

“Where’s Cree?” he wondered with a panicked tone.

He then pulled out a walkie-talkie.

“Urgh! They hit me!” Her voice came out of it. “They must have installed some claw thing on the Moonbase, because I am currently being pulled in towards it! I’ve been able to resist it somewhat, but I don’t know how much longer the fuel is going to hold out, so you’ll have to find some way to get to me instead!”

Father let out an annoyed groan. “Just keep pushing back. I’ve got a Plan B.”

He put the walkie-talkie away, then went back into the ship. You saw him cross the wall of fire, and you heard a kid scream. Then, he returned moments later with a spacesuit helmet.

“Put it on,” he commanded.

You did as he said, sealing the glass dome over your head.

“Now step aside.”

As you backed up, his form became distorted, the shadows around him twisting and bending. You let out an audible gasp. The process looked incredibly excruciating, and it was painful just looking at it. Gradually, the churning shadows started to gain mass and stabilize, taking the shape of a giant shadow dragon. It tilted its head, motioning you to its back. Cautiously, you climbed up, grabbing onto its neck. Then, it flapped its massive wings, taking off into the abyss. As you took in your starry surroundings, a thought crossed your mind.

_“Wait, why am I not questioning this one bit? Why does my brain think this is the least bit normal? On my wedding day I got abducted to outer space, then my husband came to rescue me and now he’s a dragon and we’re flying in space?”_

You would probably be enjoying this enchanting moment if it weren’t for the fact that there were some very serious things on the line. Thinking this, you started to focus, scanning the area for Cree. It didn’t take long to find her. It was just as she had described: she was firing the jets of the shuttle full throttle, fighting against the metal tether trying to pull her in. Your eyes followed the cord to its source, and you were immediately taken aback upon gazing at it. It was coming from the dark side of the moon, and rooted there was a massive tree. Its leaves were blood red and alien, and sitting upon it was a whole skyline of a futuristic city. That must be the Moonbase Numbuh Three mentioned.

_“That belongs to the Kids Next Door!?”_ you thought. _“How do they hide such a humongous structure like that from the whole world? Dang, when I wrote that paper, I really didn’t know who I was dealing with, huh?”_

The dragon breathed a searing hot blast of fire, completely obliterating the steel arm, unfettering the craft from its grasp. As soon as she was free, Cree changed gears and steered the vehicle towards the two of you. As you got close enough, Cree opened the door.

“Hurry, get in!” she shouted. “They’ll be on our tail any moment now!”

You crawled off the dragon and into the craft as fast as you could. Not a moment after you sat down, something struck the side of the vehicle.  
“Ugh! We’re too late!” Cree groaned.

Behind you was a Kids Next Door space fleet, with every unit firing straight at your location.

“Hey, lizardbreath!” she shouted at the dragon outside. “Defend us from the rear!”

Father obeyed, slamming the door shut and perching on top of the craft. As Cree floored it and flew away as fast as she could, the dragon blew atomic flares at the enemy, causing them to chaotically dart around to avoid it. This lead to ships crashing and bumping into each other, creating an interstellar traffic jam. This provided the perfect window of escape, buying enough time to lose them.

“Whoa, we did it!” Cree cheered. “You’ve got one pretty scary husband, (y/n). I hope you don’t get into too many fights with him.”  
After breaking free from the pursuit, you heard something rap on the window on your side. It was Father, who was upside down and peering over from the roof. He had reverted back to his usual self. You told Cree to slow down so you could let him in. She came to a near complete stop and opened the door, allowing him to climb in. As he finished settling down, you embraced him, eyes misty with tears.

“You saved me…” you sobbed.

“Cree is the one you should be thanking,” he replied. “She was the one with the spacecraft. If we had arrived a moment later, we wouldn’t have been able to interrupt their protocol. It was a miracle that we were able to throw them off like that. They didn’t have the time to properly get into position, as they were only acting on an S.O.S from the prisoner ship.”

“Heh, as if I couldn’t be any luckier…” you grinned. “I mean, maybe lucky isn’t the best word, seeing how I could have lost my husband as I know him today…”

Father gave you a confused look.

“Oh that’s right, you don’t know about that… when the Kids Next Door kidnapped me, they told me the plans they had for taking me. Turns out, it had nothing to do with me, but rather you. I was a means of baiting you out to them, where they would capture and decommission you. I’m really sorry… maybe if I was stronger I would have been able to fight off the ambush at the chapel and this whole thing never would have happened…”

Father then let out a laughing fit, catching you completely off guard. “Don’t be sorry, it was but a minor inconvenience. I’m sure those Kids Next Door have always dreamed of stealing away my precious memories, but if they think a hostage is going to help their chances, they’re completely out of their minds.”

“Yeah,” you replied with a giggle. “I guess we didn’t have much to worry about then, huh?”

You looked out the driver’s window and saw you were approaching the Earth, its azure waters beginning to take up more and more of the view.

“Oh, wow!” you said in amazement. “Would you look at that? It’s like the complete inverse of when we went stargazing! This time we’re looking down from above…”  
He grabbed onto your hand, grasping it gently. You were about to start leaning in and get comfortable with him, but you were interrupted by a loud banging noise.

You screamed. “What was that!?”

“Bad news,” Cree said. “We’re out of gas. I must have used it all struggling against that claw. So, uh, brace yourselves!”

A set of safety restraints suddenly shot out of your seat, firmly attaching themselves around you. As the shuttle entered the planet’s exosphere, it began to accelerate, entering freefall. Panicking, you screamed at the top of your lungs. You felt like you were going to pass out from raw terror, but Father had never let go of your hand, even after both of you had been automatically restrained. The physical connection proved to be the only thing keeping you conscious, as you gripped his hand harder and harder as the falling got faster. Suddenly, it was over, as you heard the crashing noise of the craft hitting water. The restraints became undone automatically. As you looked outside, you found yourself in the middle of the sea, with the shuttle floating on top of it with airbags it had ejected from its base.

Cree let out an enraged moan. “Great! We just crashed in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and now the rental company is going to charge me my entire life savings for the damage!”

“I’ll pay for it,” Father offered her. “For now, send the distress signal. If we’re fortunate enough, we’ll be back in Wyoming by the end of the day.”

“Oh my gosh, thank you so much,” she happily accepted, instantly calming down. She pulled out the communications system from the cockpit and called for help. After a few hours, a shadow of a rescue helicopter loomed over you. They dropped down a ladder and everyone climbed up to safety. As it turns out, the helicopter was from a villain rescue service, and they were more than happy to take the party straight back to the chapel. After a long ride, you had finally arrived. It was past dusk at that point, far later than when you had started earlier that morning. You thanked the pilot, then went inside to finish what you had started. The Delightful Children were waiting for you in the lobby, and upon seeing you, their faces immediately brightened, and they ran up to you.

“Father! Mother! You’re both safe!” they cheered.

“I know, but we really need to finish the wedding,” you told them. “So let’s make our way to the chapel right now.”

They nodded, and followed you there. As you entered, you saw that it was in a significantly better state than before. However, one thing remaining from the incident earlier was the priest, who was still frozen solid.

“Oh, we forgot to mention,” the Delightful Children said. “The guards were able to thaw out from being in the sun all day, but this poor priest is still as solid as stone.”

Without another moment wasted, Father ignited his hand, and started melting away the ice encasing the priest. As his senses returned, he looked around in confusion.

“Wha-what happened?” he wondered. “Those kids… where did they go?”

“They’ve been taken care of,” Father answered. “Now, can we get this thing finished?”

“Yes, of course,” he responded. “Let’s see, before then you had just done your vows, so…”

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

With that, you and Father locked lips, sealing the two of your fates for eternity, till death do you part.

* * *

“That should be the last of it,” you said, hauling the final piece of luggage into the tiny personal jet. You closed the hatch, then took your seat next to Father. He gave a signal to the pilot, and they began the liftoff sequence. After the flight began, the two of you started making the most of your first-class status, sipping down some fancy drinks as you chatted.

“You said we’d be there around noon, right?” you asked him for clarification.

He affirmed that with a nod.

“Good. That’s a hardly a wait at all for what’s going to be the best honeymoon ever!”

“I thought you’d be sick of water after being stuck in the middle of the ocean for hours,” he chuckled. “So I found your enthusiasm for a lakeside lodge to be quite unexpected.”

“Yeah, not at all, I guess,” you replied. “Say, there’s been something on my mind…”

“What?” he asked.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it, but then I thought it wouldn’t sit well with you…” you replied, starting to regret bringing it up.

“You can tell me,” he assured you. “We’re married, so it’s inevitable that I’ll find out regardless.”

“Alright then…What would you think… about Delightful Child six?”

“If you were anyone else, I’d say absolutely not. But if that’s something you want…”

“…Then yes. There is plenty of room for a sixth Delightful Child.”


End file.
